Happy Thanksgiving

Today, I am thankful for face transplant technology.
Happy Thanksgiving, Nerds! .JJ

Tweet of the Day: David Price, Feminist

Everyone thats traveling for thanksgiving please be careful! Driving conditions will be rough with these storms! Ladies..let ur man drive!
— David Price (@DAVIDprice14) November 26, 2013

While a lesser man may wither under the stress of constant trade rumors, the upstanding David Price rises above the fray to offer helpful advice to the helpless womenfolk of the world. Attention single ladies: you are screwed. Extra points for saving time by using "ur" in lieu of "your."

DISCLAIMER: The Sporting Nerd (TM) acknowledges that David Price's tweet is also noninclusive of gay, lesbian, or bisexual twitter followers. The Sporting Nerd (TM) regrets that we could not come up with a clever way of incorporating this into our post. As such we have reverted to a heteronormotive, yet liberal interpretation in order to facilitate our snarkiness and condescension. We apologize for any inconvenience this may pose. 

"Both teams played hard...goodnight and godbless." 

Paying the Cost to be the Boss

Kobe's massive extension has already sent shockwaves through the league. The 35-year-old Mamba, who has yet to play a minute since major surgery is slated to receive 23.5 millions next year and 25 million the year after. Obviously Kobe had to be extended, obviously 2 years is ideal, but the sticker price is staggering. Major critics of this deal (Bill Simmons...surprise!) question Kobe's desire to win title # 6, stating that if he wanted to help the Lakers Kobe would have accepted a hometown discount to free up more cap space (a la Garnett or Duncan). Kobe's previous contract was grandfathered in from before the 2011 collective bargaining agreement and as such he was making a now nearly impossible to obtain $30,453000 for this year. Because players are allowed to sign contracts for up to 105% of their previous salary KB24's max contract was $31,975,650. WOWZA. So the Lakers got away with an 8.5 million dollar discount. Optimists would point to the Lakers' otherwise spartan payroll for next year and assume that the lakeshow still has plenty of room to play: KB24's aforementioned contract, the suddenly decrepit Steve Nash @ 9.7 million, and Robert Sacre-Bleu sneaks in for 900 Gs. That soaks up at least 34.2 mil but more likely 35.4 mil assuming that Nick Young (aka Swaggy P) takes his player option for 1.2 large (how did that happen?). The optimists are right that the Lakers will have cash to flash, specifically 36 million assuming they can use exceptions to get all the way up to the luxury tax limit. But 36 million will dry up pretty quick, when you are using it to fill 9 roster spots.

Maybe the Lakeshow can attract one max contract player under these restrictions, but who would that savior be? Lebron? Fat chance. Wade? Never leaving, plus has one 0.75 knees left. Melo? Maybe. Lakers + Melo = Championship? HA! Now admittedly I am letting my cynicism rule unchecked, there are several interesting players in the mix for this free-agent class (Dirk, Gortat, Ed Davis, Greg Monroe, Demarcus Cousins, Favors etc....)  that would allow any team with cash a chance to rebuild. But lets just admit that despite the Laker's financial flexibility, the post-injury Kobe is not worth 32.8% of a team's salary (again assuming they can find their way up to the luxury limit), nor will he be worth 34.8% of a team's salary next year. But Kobe really can't be blamed for this deal, and not even in the "this game is a business gets what's yours" sense. Kobe never demanded this deal, there was no negotiation, this contract is exactly what the Lakers offered him and he signed it with no counter offer. One more piece of evidence that Jim Buss is just not his dad.

"Both teams played hard...goodnight and godbless."

This Happened

Classic happenings for Detroit basketball. Epic fan vs usher (as in the job of usher, not Ursher) dance off via dance cam. It's the sort of thing that goes down when the basketball isn't worth worrying about.

"Both teams played hard...goodnight and godbless."

The Lonely Carlisle-land

Wow, Rick Carlisle pwned Chris Broussard yesterday during the Rockets Mavericks game. Broussard was simply asking the obvious halftime softball questions and Carlisle was having none of it...channeling his inner Popovich to lay the smack down. He mitigated the damage of course by acknowledging his Pop-dickitude at the end. Poor Broussard, the bemused look on his face tells it all....you think someone would have warned via twitter. Also lets just acknowledge that Popvich sets the standard for coach interview dickery for the NBA, a skill he no doubt honed when he was coach of the Pomona Sagehens from 1979-1987 (just gonna ignore Pitzer)!!! The all-time standard for coach dickery is of course set by Bill Belichick (Belicick yo self before you wreck yo self), no explanation needed.

"Both teams played hard...goodnight and godbless."

Baby Mamba Face

Another KB! =“@perez221869: @JeanieBuss My son does the mamba face too!!! Hahaha I call him the FilipinoMamba! Lol pic.twitter.com/ifCVCjXEAk”
— Jeanie Buss (@JeanieBuss) November 19, 2013

Twins! = “@georgesieteocho: @JeanieBuss my daughter is the baby mamba #blackmamba #lakerbaby #mambaface pic.twitter.com/7Bna4KdA0z”
— Jeanie Buss (@JeanieBuss) November 19, 2013

Check out these cute kids making mamba face! Moms have been tweeting their baby-mambas at Jeanie Buss today. What? I follow Jeanie Buss on twitter? Yes I follow Jeanie Buss on twitter. Get your rings and confetti these kids are Kobe Bryant ready.

"Both teams played hard...goodnight and godbless."

Coach Sheed: The promise delivers

Footage from Piston's practice here. Tony Mitchell throwing it down for an in-house dunk contest. Coach Sheed obviously couldn't miss out on the action! Epic grin.

"Both teams played hard...goodnight and godbless."

Simply the Best

Miggy Pop (sporting nerd original) earned his second of back to back MVP awards today. Miggy was a hernia away from repeating as the triple crown winner this year, and has been in play for the triple crown each of the last three years (winning it of course in 2012). However you break it down he is the best hitter of a generation, including his overlap with Pujols. Simply ridiculous. The Tigers have now had the MVP three years in a row (Verlander-Cabrera-Cabrera), making them to only team to ever accomplish this and not win a world series. Cool? Meanwhile someone named McCutchen or something like that won a similar award in the no offense league.

"Both teams played hard...goodnight and godbless."

Elbow Violation!

This photo of Jordan playing beer pong has been making the rounds. The officialy sanctioned table is a classy touch but MJ's elbow is clearly over the table edge there. JORDAN RULES! I bet the other team is composed of Craig Ehlo and Byron Russel, and Jordan likes to let them get down to the last cup until he makes 6 shots in a row and watches the last light of hope extinguish from their eyes. Meanwhile if his partner is Steve Kerr he has really let himself go.

"Both teams played hard...goodnight and godbless."

CY-borg

Max Scherzer wins the AL Cy Young award! 21 wins, 2.9 ERA and 140 strikeouts. Dominant. In addition to great pitching Scherzer is famous for being born with different color eyes (heterochromia iridium). Pretty sure that skills are more easily explained by the fact that one of those eyes is clearly a robotic eye (google glass version 2). Also, apparently someone named Clayton Kershaw won a similar award in that other baseball league. You know, the one without the offense.

"Both teams played hard...goodnight and godbless."

Ender's Game

Epic! Last night's showcase of imminent NBA lottery picks lived up to the spectacle. The marquee match-up of course was the Duke Jabari Parkers versus the Kansas Andrew Wigginses. Andrew Wiggin(s) aka "Ender" (is it going to take a sporting nerd push to get this obvious SciFi crossover nickname through?) closed out the game (get it? ender? closeout?) and looked good doing it. Though he was limited by fouls up front he scored 10 points in the last 8:30 of the game. A majority of his looks were set post looks, where he was a physical mismatch for his defender. It was clearly not Wiggins' optimal set as he looked awkward trying to get free in the post, but superior athleticism and size won out. He also looked very smooth taking a jab step and icing the game with a jumper. If his outside shooting becomes as reliable as his acrobatics he will be an amazing player this year. I definitely look forward to seeing more of what he does driving to the hole, and can only imagine what he can do once his skinny frame fills out.

Jabari Parker also had a legit outing, in fact in many ways he seems more fundamentally sound and more filled-out than Wiggins. He poured in the points last night and only a few of his possessions did his action looked forced. He seemed smooth from distance and had a few jawdropping feats in the lane. It would seem that Parker may be an even more slam dank prospect than Wiggins (so to speak?).

Julius Randle is also a freak. Despite a slow start he almost single-handedly brought down the veteran spartans. He finished with a monster 27 and 13 and was ridiculously strong in the paint, he clearly favors his strong hand (lefty) to a fault but no one was strong enough to force him to his right. Presumably he adds more subtlety to his repertoire over the season, as NBA defenders would be all over that.

NBA GMs are salivating already.

"Both teams played hard...goodnight and godbless."

The Medicine Nerd: Danilo Gallinari the Medical Sleeper Pick

Danilo!!! Gallinari is one of my favorite fantasy basketball players, he lacks the star power to demand a hefty price tag (or high draft position) and he fills the stat sheet. Sure his luster has been dulled by injuries but when healthy he can be counted to pour in 16 points, a steal, 2-3 dimes, 4-5 boards, and 2 tres, with and above 800 FT percentage. He's obviously not a superstar but a solid stat sheet filler that flies under the radar. This year Danilo's draft stock has plummeted on account of the ACL injury that derailed his 2011-2012 campaign. In fact Gallinari is only owned in 12.8% of ESPN standard leagues, and in our own Sportingnerd fantasy draft he was auctioned for the minimum value of 1$ at the bottom of someone's roster sheet. The diminished value would certainly seem injury-appropriate: ACL tears typically have a 9 month recovery time for NBA players and often times they need the better part of a year to regain their normally superhuman proprioception in the effected joint. Gallinari only had his operation this June which would normally put him way out of the window of draftability for fantasy mangers. However when doctors went in to do a complete ACL reconstruction they found that Gallinari only had a partial ACL tear. As you would guess partial ACL tears have far better outcomes and require far shorter recovery times. The likelihood a return to complete pre-injury form is also much higher. Danilo has already started ramping up his workouts and is projected to be ballin later this month or December at the latest. Get him while you can.

"Both team played hard...goodnight and godbless."

If Yasiel Puig were a car...

.. then this is exactly what the car would look like.

Louisiana's Newest Dance Craze

Tweet of the Day: #blackout #swaggyP-hunt

Several days old, but came across this and had to share...

Nick Young has been removed from the starting lineup. Mainly because of this picture: pic.twitter.com/nctwiYb8yA

— Ball Don't Lie (@YahooBDL) November 3, 2013

Unbelievable and Precedented

Gotta love Stanford's nerd swag. Also gotta love the fact that they backed it up by dominating the Ducks for the second year in a row. It's one thing to hang tough in a shootout with Oregon, but it's completely crazy to shut them out in the first half. Title hopes gone. Nerd swag up. Seminoles loving the Cali flipflop. Also free spelling lesson.

"Both teams played hard...goodnight and godbless."

Medical Mystery of the Day

So I guess his heart must be in his scrotum?

The Dodgers better pay close attention to his medical exam before dropping the the U.S. GDP on this guy.

.JJ

Least Interesting Preseason Analysis Ever

Disclosure: I am a UCLA basketball fan, and will likely have many future posts about the team. It's thrilling to me that even after the loss of "Animal Style" Shabazz and Drew II, the team is still ranked in the preseason top 25. Unfortunately, in a sad attempt to build this season's hype, the LA Times decides to publish the most boring player-by-player rundown I have ever read.

The article is filled with informative lines like:

Kory Alford | So. | G | 6-4 | Played 10 games for New Mexico last season.

and

David Brown | Jr. | G | 6-3 | Third season in the program.

Poor David Brown. The one time he gets mentioned in the city's biggest newspaper, it decides to give you information that you could have perhaps gathered from the fact that he's a Junior. Bleacher Report gave this guy more pub than this article even pretended to do.

Come on, LA Times. With a new coach rebuilding this team, this storied program could use a little more help than some half-ass tweets about each player to get Westwood and the rest of the notoriously apathetic Los Angelenos pumped about this upcoming season.

So... Here's to you, David Brown, and to hoping that getting your picture on TheSportingNerd isn't the highlight of your season!

.JJ

You know times are bad when...

RT @mcten: D'Antoni: "Chris Kaman is starting. We're going to go big"
— Los Angeles Lakers (@Lakers) November 7, 2013

I guess, Go big or go home?

I'll see you all at home.

.JJ.

"Free" Money: NFL Picks

Bengals on the road? FAIL

Raiders cover at home? FAIL

Saints crush the Jets? FAIL

Sportingnerd record slips to a paltry 3-7-1...why do I even bother?

Week 10 picks: Gonna have to upgrade the nerd effect.

Broncos @ Chargers Over 57: Broncos have hit the over all 8 times this season, while the chargers are 50/50. At home home though they've hit the over 2/3 times. Over the last 4 weeks these two teams have combined to be 5-1 for the over. The resurgent Chargers will be chasing the whole time...should be a big time shootout.

Jaguars @ Titans -11.5: Jags have only covered the spread once this season: the epic record-breaking spread against the Broncos. Historically double digit spreads have been no gos, but we've all been getting burned hard on these this year. Meanwhile the Titans have been strong against the spread and have beaten the spread at home every time.

Eagles +2 @ Packers: We can basically throw out the Packer's data against the spread as replacing Aaron Rodgers injury blows up everything. The momentum swing here is huge as we are basically pitting Nick Foles' coming out party (7 TDs, 0 picks, 406 yards, perfect passer rating...are you kidding me?) vs Seneca Wallace's attempt at closing his eyes and white-knuckling it through the game. Eagles are also 4-1 against the spread on the road. 

"Both teams played hard...goodnight and godbless."

Tweet of the Day: Imminent Mamba

After blacking out his twitter avatar @kobebryant tweeted "#blackout #bearhunt." Meaning? Well during his rant after popping his achiles Mamba did say "If you see me in a fight with a bear, pray for the bear." Alternatively, however the lakers are debuting their new black jerseys on 11/15...against whom? THE MEMPHIS GRIZZLIES!!! Blackout bearhunt fo sho. Kobe back in 10 days.

"Both teams played hard...goodnight and godbless."

Jersey Talk - Cut the Sleeves

One week has passed. The Heat have already lost twice. The Lakers are, in my opinion, more fun to watch than ever (except for Swaggy P,  whose recent demotion has spared me an early heart attack). Michael Carter-Williams is the new prepubescent star of the league (see Steph Curry).

But basketball storylines aside, let's talk about those jerseys!  

Sleeves = The Worst

I still cannot get myself to appreciate these poor excuses for a jersey update. First, the jersey instantly makes Eric Bledsoe's rapey look even rapier (above, left). Second, after reading a Grantland article on the NBA's new jerseys by Wesley Morris, who appears to be a fan of these misproportioned monstrosities, I was taken aback by one line in particular:

"The sleeves were actually pretty innovative. You could see what the league's clothier, Adidas, had in mind. The shirts appeared to weigh less than the tank tops. They brought the sport in line with rugby and soccer. "

Now, tell me: Why does the NBA need to be "brought in line" with rugby and soccer? Since its inception, the NBA and its stars have elevated the game of basketball to one of the most popular and lucrative sports in the world. The NBA has arguably influenced American pop culture more than any other professional sport, successfully blurring the lines between sport, fashion, music and movie. All joking aside, though, baseball has its classic buttoned shirts, and football its oversized t-shirts. The NBA has forged its own identity and done so with its own distinct look - the tank top jersey.

Has Kobe ever complained that his arms felt "too free" in his jersey? Has he ever thought he didn't look intimidating enough, and he wished he could cover his guns and tattoos with some tight sleeves?

I just can't see any justification for these hideous new jerseys other than the self-evident opportunity to make more money. But please leave some comments and enlighten me!

 .JJ
Self-Proclaimed Fashion Editor, TheSportingNerd