Bon Voyage Mr. Curry

"Allen, I just want you to know that no matter what happens...I will always love you. One day we can just get away from it all, away from Joe, away from Rip....and we can just be...one day."

The Pistons have fired Michael Curry after only one season. Apparently going 39-43, losing the respect of your players, and getting embarassed in the playoffs by a team you hate does not earn you job security in the eyes of the ruthless Joe Dumars. Obviously I completely agree that the Pistons don't have time to develop a young coach and young players at the same time, but I still am surprised. It was only two months ago (after the Cleveland sweep) that Joe said Curry's job was safe, presumably he was willing at the time to let Curry have one more year of experience. What changed since then? My guess is that Joe already has a coach lined up, something like when he fired Rick Carlile after he coached two 50 win seasons in the D only because he had Larry Brown lined up. As for who that coach is? I'm not really sure...I'm nervous that it's Bill Lambier and that's the reason Bill left the shock earlier this month. I'm frightened of it being Marc Jackons of Jeff Vangundy. And I'm hopeful that its Doug Collins. In any case I hope the replacement is already ready to go and that the announcement comes quickly (much like Chuck C, BAM!). Tomorrow marks the beginning of free agency and the stones are supposed to set the tone (having the most cap and all), one figures it to be kinda hard to lure a free agent without a coach. Nice timing.

"Both teams played hard...goodnight and godbless."

Finally...

Looks like someone finally agrees with me after all this time...

Not a crush: Ron Artest aka Tru Warrior aka The New world Order

I've always loved how certifiably insane Ronron is, and one of my favorite examples is this play where he pulls down Paul Pierce's shorts in an attempt to stop him. Hilaaarious, especially since Pierce pulls up his pants and hits a three in Artest's face. Its almost the kind of play an Indian mom might use to motivate her son to learn unprecedented levels of calculus for a seven year old. But in any case imagine my delight at discovering the second half of this video where Ronron sings an apology to the Truth. SINGS! Look at this lovable clown, he is the NBA at its best. Except of course those times when he violently pounds in the face of a Piston's fan with nothing but unbridled malice in his heart...then he's kind of a scary.


"Both teams played hard...goodnight and godbless."

The best player in the 09 draft?

You heard it here, not first, but somewhere before last: it will be Ricky Rubio.

I won't waste too many words, just watch a little of this (skip to 30 seconds in for the JIMP-worthy highlights, not sure what they were thinking w/ the first 30 seconds):



Now, I guess there are issues about his draft status and he might stay in Spain another year, something that might explain him going only 5th, maybe our resident contract guru Ganesh can give an explanation of that. For me, I am late to the Ricky Rubio Dreamboat Bandwagon, but I'm on it now.

(Girl)Crush of the Day: 17 year-old Melanie Oudin, a.k.a. "Melo"

"It doesn't matter how big you are, it's who is the better player."


...sexually.

Lester Hudson is a Young John Battle

According to espn.com's review of last night's draft, Gerald Henderson is being compared to a young Raja Bell, and Christian Eyenga is being compared to a young Mikael Pietrus. I realize that NBA teams need to be a complete collection of athletes, and that not every draft pick should be expected to be a superstar some day. Basketball has to have its offensive linemen too. But then just compare player to player. "Gerald Henderson reminds me of Raja Bell." How hard is that? This obsession with each draft pick being a "young" version of an NBA player--however marginal--is weird to me. That's right, young man. Keep your game up, keep your eye on the prize, and you could be the next Mookie Blayock. In fact, I would compare you to a young Bryon Russell.

Mancrush of the day: Blake Griffin, a.k.a. BG, a.k.a. Do I really have to play for the clippers?

Bill Simmons, on Blake Griffin:

"I'm not worried about what's happened in the past," Griffin tells Mark Jones. "I'm only looking forward toward the future." Isn't that what Mark McGwire said during the congressional hearings? Not a good omen.

[I was thinking the same thing when I heard him say that.]

Vinsane! Got No BRAIN!

So Vince Carter and Ryan Anderson in exchange for Rafer Alston , Tony Battie, and Courtney Lee. BAM! Knee-jerk reaction here is basically, wow that was fun while it lasted Orlando. At face value the deal is basically trading a productive rookie with potential who started the entire playoffs and a veteran pointguard willing to stay and backup your younger point man in exchange for a 32- year-old fading star whose commitment to and interest in basketball has been questioned for the past 6 or 7 years. Sweet deal!

But as much as we like to point out how much smarter we are than every sports GM and how obviously wrong every deal is, this one may not reek as badly as we think. All indications from the timing of the opt out to the motivation of the trade indicate that Hedo is looking to jump up to the 10 mill a season bracket and the magic are looking protect themselves in case they can't resign him. So basically the Magic were in the desperate position of having to replenish their backcourt scoring or take a step back next year. VC does do exactly that, this past season (likely his worst in a long time) he posted 21 ppg 5 assists 5 rebounds shooting .437 from the field. Whereas Hedo posted 16.8 ppg 5 assists 5 rebounds shooting .413 from the field. One could definitely make the argument that even a declining VC not only replaces Hedo's production but surpasses it. Hedo did bring certain intangibles, however, he was a closer and they used him to run the offense (Turkish Magic). VC will not have to run the offense as he is incapabale of doing so and he will benefit from a healthy Jameer who will be more than capable of running things, can VC be a closer again? My guess is probably not a very good one, but playing on a competitive team with exciting players may actually motivate him to care about basketball again for a year or two.

But even considering these drawbacks there is still some value in this deal for Orlando, sure Lee was a good young player and that showed poise in a deep playoff run. But its easy to show poise when your expected contribution is 8 ppg, 1 assist, and 1 rebound. He definitely has potential but he is not the kind of grade A prospect that you expect to take over your backcourt in 3 years. And should therefore by no means be untouchable (even if he has an ubelievable ammount of face mask for a player at his level). Taking on VC's contract puts the Magic in the luxury without resigning Hedo or Gortat. Turkish delight is gone Vinsanity is in, and the Magic are stuck with their chimera roster for atleast 2 more seasons. Who knows maybe it will be tight.

"Both teams played hard...goodnight and godbless."

The Remake on the Lake

HA! So the Big Aristotle has finally followed me to Cleveland, hilaaarious. I have to say I'm pretty excited about seeing his lumbering ass saunter up and down the court once again. The desperation of the Cavalier's management is obvious and I don't think anyone here sees this as anything but a reactionary try and contain Dwight Howard type of move. Shaq is way passed the time where he can come through on his imminent title guarantee and is simply not a solution for the Cavalier roster woes that we have detailed on this blog. It will be fun to watch him use his typical script of trying way harder than normal on his new team until he can't keep it up and then move on to blaming everyone around him.

I wonder what they will do with Z, they obviously can't start two old ass 7-footers so they will presumably move him to the bench, even though they don't have a power forward? Weird. All this being said the deal does probably make Cleveland a bit better considering they had nothing in the front court before, and all it cost them was salary: Ben Wallace and Sasha Pavlovic. Best Cleveland based Shaq nicknames I've seen so far: Zone Thugz in Harmony, Shaquillbasa, and Shaqer Heights.

Mencrush of the Day: USA Soccer aka Dudes that are bad at baseball, football, basketball, and hockey

US coach Bob Bradley on advancing to the confederation cup finals: "It's exciting, a great team effort. To beat an amazing team like Spain and make the final, it's big"

The Horna-Sex

I just want to point out that if this "least doable NBA player" debate were held 12 years ago, this guy would have it wrapped up.

Mr. Jefferson to the Spurs

Not sure I get this one. Jefferson is a classic overrated scoring-only player, according to other sporting nerds:

http://www.wagesofwins.com/NewJersey0708.html
http://www.wagesofwins.com/Bucks310809.html

And the Almighty Hollinger has him at 15.5 PER, same as Trevor (no longer Traveler) Athreeza.

Now granted the Wages of Wins guy also says Danny Granger was a below average player even in 08/09, so...big grain of salt to all this stuff.

But since I haven't seen him play much this is all I got.

Chuck I leave it to you to add an appropriate South Park reference in the comments, building on the title of the post.

Mancrush of the Day: David Duval aka Double D

“I've been number one and number 1,000, but I've hit bottom and I'm coming back up.”

2009 Hockey Hall of Fame Selection

Later this morning voters in Toronto will be selecting the 2009 class for the hockey hall of fame. Normally I would wait until after they have done the selection to comment on this, but the great Steve Yzerman (my childhood hero) is eligible for the first time. So just in case any of the voters do a quick sporting nerd check before they cast their ballots: do not insult me and all of Detroit by making Stevie Y anything other than a first ballot hall-of-famer. As the longest serving captain in sports he amassed the 6th most points in NHL history, won 3 cups, a gold medal, and tacked on a Conn Smythe, Selke and Masterton trophy. Give it up yall! Also available for selection are Yzerman's teammates on the 2002 stanley cup champion Detroit Redwings: Luc Robitaille and Brett Hull.

"Both teams played hard...goodnight and godbless."

Danny Ainge Goes Crazy

So Adrian Wojnarowski is reporting that the Celtrons offered Rondo and Allen to the Pistons for a package that included Tayshaun, Rip, and Stuckey! How weird is that? Apparently neither Joe D nor Ainge are willing to extend Allen's contract so they effectively look at him as another expiring contract that will yield cap space for next year. Joe D has reportedly given an immediate refusal to this deal as it would involve giving up what sadly amounts to the Piston's three best players in exchange for a good young player (still hard for me to believe but it might be true) and an expiring contract. Additionally Dumars has mentioned that he is waiting for Stuckey's much anticipated follow-up album to drop sometime so after his buddy Eminem's new LP.

"Both teams played hard...goodnight and godbless."

Mancrush of the Day: Albert Pujols aka Fat Albert aka Big Al aka The Machine

“Of course I'd take 40 homers, a .330 average and 100 RBIs, but it can be better. I want to get better every year. I never want to be satisfied.”

That's right...THIS GUY!

So the word out there is that Mark Jackson is the leading candidate to take the recently vacated Timberwolve's coaching job. Mark Jackson! How awesome is that? The proprietor of catch phrases such as:

"Momma, there goes that man."
"Excuse me, I have a meeting with the rim!"
"Come get in my poster!"
"That's a grown man move right there." &
"Allen Iverson, pound for pound, is the best player in the game."

has apparently convinced the upper management of an NBA team to allow him to be the face of their franchise. Not that anyone cares about Minnesota anyways, I'm just worried about what is going to happen to the awesome ABC commentator synergy of Van Gundy and Jackson being miraculously restrained by Mike Breen. Who could possibly fill his place without throwing off the chemistry? I for one suggest Reggie Miller...as the great great three point shooter once said "that [would be] unbelievable and precedented."

"Both teams played hard...goodnight and godbless."

Living Under The Cap: Detroit Pistons

The slow and steady decline of DEEEEEEtroit-BAS-KET-Baaaaaaaall took a steep nosedive this year, precipitated largely by Joe D's much maligned Chauncey for AI trade. But the true test of that trade is not how each team did after the trade but whether the pistons can make themselves better in the long run with the money they are now able to spend because of the trade. I have often compared this kind of trade to that guy that got his arm stuck under a boulder for three days and eventually cut it off and hiked back to civilization: sure you could keep that arm that's been so clutch for you in the past and you could have a nice little time at the boulder, but that arm is on the way down and it is keeping you stuck at the boulder. You might as well get something for the arm while you can and let that young arm you have been growing get some time to develop his understanding of your offense. Get it?

In any case, the loss of AI and Sheed is some kind of massive simultaneous salary laden deuce that the stones will be dropping on July 1st. Additionally Hermann is likely to leave to play in spain, there is no pressure to resign McDyess (though most pistons fans would love to see him around), and if Kwame is dumb enough to take his player option there is no need to resign him either. The net effect? The Pistons will have at least 20 million to use on free agents without using any exceptions.

Now the rumors are the fun part...its already been reported in the chicago sun and discussed on PTI that the pistons have offered Heir Gordon a multi-year 11 mill per year deal. Which is kind of crazy unless you believe the additional rumors that the pistons are also shopping Rip. There are mixed feeling on the Detroit message boards but if both of those moves happen I think it would be a big upgrade (except on defense). Also if the Rip for Gordon move happens, it would have no net cap effect and the pistons would still have all of the 20 mill to drop. I would expect them to make a hard run at boozer with a chunk of that money, and as that early report stated the Pistons and Nets are the teams boozer is most likely to go to. The Nets, however, however would require a sign and trade. If it does happen, the Stones would still be sitting pretty with probably 6-7 million left and having used no exceptions. They could even used some of that cap space to sign Birdman, a newage Rodman baby! And the rest of the money + the exceptions could then be sent towards McDyess and other role playing vets (the brevin knights, eddie houses of the world). Basically I really don't think this team should hold onto the money and wait for the theoretically more fruitful summer of 2010. If they age, decline, and suck for another year no one will want to come to the D. If they have to settle for A- free agent talent then they might as well do it now when they have the advantage of being one of the only teams with cap room to wield.

Well that was fun, and basically complete guesswork resulting in a Stuckey, Gordon, Tayshaun, Boozer, Birdman starting lineup. Which would be the weirdest chimera lineup ever. The age of Rodney Stuckey aka Chief Lightening First Step aka Flashlight has begun. Let the lord of chaos rule!

"Both teams played hard...goodnight and godbless."

Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood?

Jerome Richardson tips off drug kingpin??

This guy's my neighbor!

Winnie the Pooh... how could you...

The most dangerous soccer match ever played

Occasionally sport becomes a platform for political demonstration and gives a voice to a movement. Today, 6 players on Iran's national team, including their captain, wore green wristbands in support of the Green Revolution and opposition leader Mir Hossein Mousavi during a World Cup qualifier against South Korea. They were instructed to remove the wristbands at the half. While this may not seem like much, keep in mind that these players have to fly back to Tehran tonight, and will likely be met by the state police. Iran drew the match against South Korea and are awaiting the results of a match between North Korea and Saudi Arabia. If one of these teams loses, Iran qualifies for the World Cup (in a draw, they fail to qualify). Unfortunately even if Iran qualifies, there's a good chance we'll never see these players, on the field or off, ever again.

We are good at stuff...

Sri Lanka rolled over New Zealand and into the 2009 twenty20 world cup semifinals with a strong performance by Ajantha Mendis. Sweet!

I would say that both teams played hard, but I don't know how to evaluate this game.

Living Under The Cap: Los Angeles Lakers

The Flakers had a very nicely put together team this past season: obviously they won it all, but they had a very talented team that was only marginally in the luxury (about 3 mill in tax). Keeping the team together, however, will be a serious challenge largely because of this ridiculous extension that Bynum signed. With Andrew's 10 million $ raise the Lakeshow is 2 mill in the luxury bracket w/o resigning anyone.

Since the Lakers have absolutely no cap room they will have to used exceptions to sign the players they want. Odom is eligible for the Bird exception, which is quite convenient as it will allow the lakers to sign him up to his maximum contract if they so desire. At 30 years of age Lamar is probably looking for at least 4 years making around what he has been making: 11 million.

Trevor Ariza is another player the lakers need to resign, and he will obviously want a raise over his 2.9 million rookie salary. The question is whether the Lakers can keep him for the mid-level exception which is likely to be just under 6 million next year. I think that is a fair raise for him especially if the Lakers give him a 3 year deal with an early termination option.

Now I haven't been able to find out whether the Lakers used their bi-annual exception last year or not, but I'm pretty sure they didn't. The bi-annual is likely to be just under 2 million for next year and that should give them the flexibility to sign Josh Powell and Shannon Brown, or at the very least to keep Shannon Brown.


If they do all of that the Lakers will be 20 million into the luxury tax. Hella expensive, but probably worth it to keep a championship team together. Especially considering that the Cavaliers were 20+ in to the luxury this year for goons like Wally, Big Ben, etc... or that the 05-06 Knick were 62 million in the tax, 62 MILLION!

The problem with the plan is that it requires the players to take or split the exception salaries and someone out there is willing to overpay for all of these guys. Nevertheless the lure of another title is usually enough to keep guys around. Of course none of this means anything if Kobe takes his early termination option and demands more money. If that happens the Lakers would really be regretting the 15 million that's wrapped up in the three stooges: Vujacic, Walton, & Morrision.

"Both teams played hard...goodnight and godbless."

Epic Fail?

Oh really? Sadly, its so obvious and we care so little...

Morrison 1 - Redick 0

The epic battle which began at the collegiate level continues at the professional level with Adam Morrison drawing first blood. Morrison did exactly what was needed throughout the playoffs to help the Lakers earn their 15th NBA championship - he donned a suit and took his rightful place on the inactive list, reducing the team's exposure to both his bad looks and his bad game.

Though Redick received more of the spotlight as he was getting scored on by some of the best basketball players in the world, Morrison was the one who embraced the team-first concept and in so doing earned his first ring and the right to participate in Wednesday's privately funded championship parade in Los Angeles.

To make the rematch of Adam vs. JJ as enticing as the original bout, Redick will have to grow as a player, grow like Adam Morrison's hair. He also needs to not be ridiculously gay.

As a fan, I cannot wait for Round 2. Until next year...

Seriously though, I would trade Morrison for Redick in a heartbeat and think Morrison deserves consideration, along with Kwame Brown and Michael Olowokandi, for the title of "Worst Draft Pick Of Our Generation." While Morrison has been playing from behind as a 3rd pick rather than a number 1 pick, his body of work has been ever-growing.

Living Under The Cap: Boston Celtics

Though this will definitely be an interesting offseason for our most blogged about sports, all teams will be operating under the cloud of oppressive salary cap restrictions (hard economic times/golden parachute/main street-wall street/bailout stimulus etc). So I figured who other than the sporting nerd would bring you an in-depth team by team analysis of salary cap, economic, and free agent issues.

The defending champs had an early exit, but in theory have plenty to look forward to: Perkins and Baby (the ticket stub) developed in KG's absence and Rondo has shown that he has skills. With the imminent return of The Whole Ticket the Celtrons have nothing to worry about. Right?

Well right now, without signing any of their own free agents, the celtics are 2 million into the luxury tax. That means they pay a dollar to the league for each dollar they expend over the hard cap (100% tax is the suck). So where does that leave them? Eddie House, MD has already expressed that he will take his early termination option (in red), which by definition means he is looking for more. You think the Celts would go deeper into the luxury to sign House, MD...? So assuming House comes off the books completely the celts will be 300,000 under the hard cap, and will need to resign Big Baby and Leon Powe. Both of whom will expect to make at least more than Brian Scalabrini, likely somewhere in the 4-5.8 million range. So signing both of them would put them 10 million in the luxury, assuming they let Starbury walk. That's a price that's probably worth paying for a team that could win now.

However, this would also completely hamper them next year when they have to resign Ray Allen and Rajon Rondo. Sure you can expect Allen's salary to come down from 20 million (haha they are paying ray allen 20 million), but he got his title and he is not going to stick around for a mid-level exception. Expect him to want at least 15-16 million, a price that would leave the Celtics unable to compete for their young restricted free agent Rondo. What all this points to is that the rumors about the celts shopping Allen make sense. Moving his contract would give them all the flexibility they need to sign rondo etc.. and if they can get a quality player and/or a lottery pick in return they likely won't miss a beat. What's really interesting are the rumors that the Celts would be happy to package Rondo in an Allen deal. Apparently, despite the fact that Rondo is young and developing nicely, Doc and Ainge don't like him at all. Doc even told Rondo directly:

"Do you know your teammates hate playing with you? ... The point guard has to be the guy that brings energy to the team. You can't be the guy that sucks it away. Your moodiness is affecting us."

Oof! So even though moving Allen would give them the flexibility to keep Rondo the Celts may still look to move both players. Weird. Also, this is all completely obscured by the fact that Paul Pierce aka the Truth has an early termination option for next year too! What a mess, LET THE RAMPANT SPECULATION BEGIN!!!

"Both teams played hard...goodnight and godbless."

Waddap Sports Nerds?

We've been nerding it out here for a solid month and I think the blog experiment has been pretty dope. We have a good balance of hilaaaariousness + actual analysis and its been tight to see what all yall think about the way things are going down. 60 + posts in 4 weeks aint bad, but we can put more stuff out. All you silent authors get blogging...after all, "we like sports."

Flakeshow: What What in the Butt!

Congrats to the Lakeshow for taking the crown once again. It was an improbable and exciting run for the Magic, and they have plenty to look forward to.

"Both teams played hard...goodnight and godbless."

Lakers in 5

Lakers in 5Lakers in 5Lakers in 5Lakers in 5Lakers in 5Lakers in 5Lakers in 5Lakers in 5Lakers in 5Lakers in 5Lakers in 5Lakers in 5Lakers in 5Lakers in 5Lakers in 5Lakers in 5Lakers in 5Lakers in 5Lakers in 5Lakers in 5Lakers in 5Lakers in 5Lakers in 5Lakers in 5Lakers in 5Lakers in 5Lakers in 5Lakers in 5Lakers in 5Lakers in 5Lakers in 5Lakers in 5Lakers in 5Lakers in 5Lakers in 5Lakers in 5Lakers in 5Lakers in 5Lakers in 5Lakers in 5.

Just sayin'.

Goddamnit Someone Write Something so I Don't Have to Keep Staring at Crosby

Two Tickets to Titsburgh...

Congratulations to the Pittsburgh Penguins on a great championship run. That was a hell of a cup defense by the wings, but they didn't have the magic this time around. Bring the heat in 2010 baby!

"Both teams played hard...goodnight and godbless."

best playoff beard?

i dunno how to make real polls so here's a technologically primitive version.

now that the playoffs are on their last day we can elect the 2009 president of playoff beards for the year. the candidates are:

( ) henrik zetterberg

( ) dan cleary

( ) maxime talbot

( ) pascal dupuis

( ) sidney crosby (heheheh)

( ) the rest of the penguins - (the above mentioned + bill guerin)

( ) sidney crosby + evgeni malkin + jordan staal + a free moustache

( ) scott neidermayer

( ) alex burrows

( ) me

( ) all of the above (combined)

( ) write-in vote

Nick Lidstrom: Gonads and Strife

When Nick Lidstrom didn't suit up for the last two games of the Western Conference Finals, the entire city of Detroit was sweating. In addition to being the best defenceman in hockey Nicky Lid has been a rock, never missing a playoff game before. His absence was billed as the dreaded "lower body injury" and Wings fans were all thinking a groin pull of some kind. SURPRISE! Lidstrom has played in every game these finals...looking sluggish at times but still playing at a high level. So what was that injury that took out a nearly indestructible player at the most important time of the year? A "nearly catastrophic injury to his testicle." Apparently Patrick Sharp speared Lidstrom's ball in game three of that series, nearly destroying it. What the hell? Just writing that in a blog is painful. Lidstrom only missed those two games and has been fighting it out in this great 7 games finals series...what a thug.

"Both teams played hard...goodnight and godbless."

Progressive Field Birds Tie Series With Bugs.

PTI posed the question last week, what is harder on opponents at Progressive Field, the bugs or the birds? The bugs, of course, brought the Yankees to their knees in Game 2 of the 2007 AL Division Series. They seemed to be the clear winner in the debate. Well that turned out to be bulletin board material for the birds last night, who sealed the deal for the Tribe against the Royals. A line drive off the bat of Shin-Soo Choo deflected off of a gull and away from Coco Crisp, allowing Mark DeRosa to score the winning run. I was at the game on Tuesday night. The field is about a mile from the lake, so there have always been gulls in view. But in the 15 years that I've been going to games at this ballpark, I have never seen anything like this. The gulls are not only congregating in the outfield like they did last night, but they are swooping within 5 feet of spectators. If they haven't done so already, I think that as of this morning, the Cleveland Indians need to address this issue, and do it publicly. My hypothesis is that with all of the empty seats, the stadium looks more like open water than ever.

Dear Stan

Rafer Alston would have guarded the old man. How it is possible that you once again pulled your starter (who has been on fire) for a guy who brings the ball down the court just to give it to Turkish Delight when he gets in trouble? I mean, what's the point of having a point guard when he can't dribble out of a press and has to give it to a 6'10" Turk to keep from being stripped? This was truly a game that the Magic gave away, having outplayed the Lakers all but the last 5:32 seconds. Once the game went to overtime, it was all but certainly a Laker win. A botched inbound with an extra time out to burn and 16 missed free throws does not win a game against a somewhat decent Laker team and a magnificent Mamba who realizes that his legacy hinges on this series.

On top of this upsetting result, someone needs to do something about that exceedingly creepy Prius commercial where the trees and bushes are composed of swaying humanoid hands emerging from brightly colored, fuzzy amorphous torsos. Its bad enough I had to sit through 4.5 hours of Pau Gasol's mug.

Have You Dated Jason Maxiell?

When I was campaigning for the right to post on this site, I made a campaign promise to write exclusively about Michelle Wie and Jason Maxiell. Like most campaign promises, that has been kicked to the curb. But today I make a little bit of good on it by directing your attention to this discussion forum:

http://www.talk-sports.net/nba/girlfriend.aspx/Jason_Maxiell

This page is self described as such: "Discussion forum for Jason Maxiell's girlfriend. Does Jason Maxiell have a girlfriend? Is he dating someone? Is he married? Would you date him? Did you date him? Please leave a comment." Based on the pro-Motown (Protown) opinions that I've seen on this blog, I am going to go out on a limb and say that at least one of you has dated Jason.

Shannon Brown Is a Freak-alete

Look where his head ends up, that's madness for a 6'4" PG. Really Cleveland, no reason to keep this guy? Also I highly reccomend watching the end (with the Lakers reactions to the replay) over and over and concentrating on each person's face. Lamar looks like he just watched the season finale of Everybody Loves Raymond, Ariza looks like Odom just stepped on his foot, Luke Walton looks likes like he has no idea what everyone is laughing about, Pau has this "Are you not entertained?" smirk, and Kobe looks like he just saw Seiklay's ass.

"Both teams played hard...goodnight and godbless."

Rony Seikaly ladies and gentlemen!

Rony Seikaly aka the Spin Doctor was hittin' this for 6 years. 6 years of that...go ahead and kill yourself. The former NBA most improved player didn't limit himself to on-the-court feats as he went ahead and married the eventual 2001 Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition cover model Elsa Benitez. Goddamnit Seiklay! I definitely remember having to tuck my chubby under the elastic after seeing that cover in the library. Benitez eventually filed for divorce in 2005, presumably after she awoke from whatever crazy ass Lebanese ruffie he was slipping her. But in any case three cheers for you Rony, I'm sure it was worth it.


"Both teams played hard...goodnight and godbless."

Jameer'ing Me Crazy

There seems to be quite a bit of LakerLoving going on in these parts lately, and one repeated notion is that the Magic gave the game away on Sunday. That simply doesn't make any sense. The Magic played poorly by their standards. The Lakers scored 28 points off of 20 Magic turnovers. The guards shot 26 percent. Van Gundy continued to take a machete to the confidence of Rafer Alston and left it to Turkish Delight to ball handle for the last 5 minutes of the game and left this guy on the floor for over 20. By the way, have you ever seen a lazier person on the floor during Game 2 of the finals? In OT he threw away a pass and then sauntered after the ball until he realized "Crap, people are watching", and then threw in some arm pumping and head dipping for added effect and no added extra speed. If I'm Van Gundy (and, thankfully, I'm not):

- Leave Rafer in. You've been Magical (yeah, I said it) with him in the rotation. He got you here. Nelson is an excellent basketball player, but the basketball you were playing 6 months ago isn't the same kind you played against Cleveland. He earned the right to play, and he's the best point guard for you in this series.

- Make sure Dwight Howard knows that these next two games are a potential turning point for his career. If he steps up and takes over, that's what people will remember in time, not his habit of disappearing in the first two games.

- The Gortat/Howard line up worked. Domination of the boards gave you a chance to rack up an insane amount of 3's in the last two series. Outworking the Lakers on the boards is essential.

- Continue to double and triple Black Mamba. As evidenced by his horrendous shot with time expiring in game 2, he's not a fan of "passing". Let everyone else beat you. It's not like you need to be concerned with guarding Luke Walton, anyway.

The Magic have bounced back repeatedly after crushing losses. Expect a win.

Bondo Gets Boned

There was plenty of buzz in Tigerland as Jeremy Bonderman made his first start in over a year. A former back-to-back 14 game winner Bonderman would seem to be the finishing touch on what has been surprisingly (but not to the sporting nerd) one of the best pitching rotations in the majors. Unfortunately Bondo got rocked by the White Sox going 4 innings with 3 homers 6 ER on 8 hits with 1 strike out. Ouch!

Will we ever see some classic Bondo again? Its tough to say...Bonderman was deactivated last season because of thoracic outlet syndrome. THORACIC OUTLET SYNDROME!!! He had developed a clot in his axillary vein that grew so large he could feel it in his armpit. The likely cause in his case is something called effort vein thrombosis which is basically spontaneous clotting of the axillary veins after vigorous arm exertion. Once he was placed on the DL he reported that he couldn't feel his fingers when he released a pitch...WTF!?! I guess its no mystery why he had such a bad start last year. It just goes to show you the messed up things athletes will do to their bodies just to stay and compete. In any case Bondo's rehab is a bit of a mystery, his subtype of TOS (vascular/venous) is rarer than the form that MLB player Hank Blalock rehabbed from (neurologic). He's certainly got a long way to go...fastball topped out at 89 on Monday. For a guy that could comfortably throw a 96 mph heater that's a devastating decline. Bonderman will either have to find his old stuff or revamp his pitching strategy if he has any chance of pitching efficiently in the show.

"Both teams played hard...goodnight and godbless."

Mine That Jockey

Even though he did not pull off the historic Rider's Triple Crown, I have to send some love out to Calvin Borel. If I were to describe Calvin in words that Calvin might use, I would say that he is as sweet as a sugar cookie pie cake, sir. Despite the fact that he got so much attention as a jockey in this Triple Crown season, when interviewed, he seemed to always put the focus on the horse as the competitor, and the one deserving the credit. I am no horse freak, but there is something so genuine about the way this dude talks about the relationship that he has with the hoofed community.

Magic: choke artists

Courtney Lee choked. It's as simple as that.

Game 2 was one in which the Lakers gave the magic every conceivable opportunity to win: open three point shots in abundance, stagnant 4th Q offense culminating with Kobe getting blocked by Hedo-ruin-my-HD-TV-Turkey-glue while being triple teamed leaving three teammates scratching their head wide open. And the Magic kept looking happy to be in the finals.

There's really nothing else to say here, except this: the Magic choked, the Lakers figured out how to pull it out in overtime, because say what you want about them, they do have championship-level players. This isn't a dig at Orlando, and the series certainly isn't over, but they look more like early career Kobe - air balls against Utah in an elimination conf finals game, crucial TWO missed free-throws in the conference finals game 1 against San Antonio - and the lakers look like seasoned veterans. Yes seasoned veterans get calls at the ends of games, yes they get lucky sometimes. But they don't choke.

I still pick the Lakers in 5.

Kenji and Lindsay: Parallel Lives

On June 8, 1976, in the hills of scenic Sasebo, Nagasaki, there was born a child named Kenji Johjima. And on that same day, in the equally un-scenic Palos Verdes, California, was born a child named Lindsay Davenport. In 1999, young Kenji was selected to the honored “Best Nine” team chosen by Japanese sportswriters. That same year, Linsay took Wimbledon. In 2000, when Lindsay won the Australian Open, Kenji took the Japan Series Fighting Spirit Prize, which I believe that year was a salad shooter. This is not just a “hey, look, these people have the same birthday” story. I truly believe that there is an element that runs through both of them. I call it the Johjiport.

FedEx is Still the Sex

Congrats to R-Fed for tying Sampras with 14 grandslam titles and finally winning the French. Sampras actually never won the french so Fed's ability to secure the career grandslam definitely sets him apart here. In fact not only did Sampras never win the French but he sucked on clay and never really came close. Federer on the other hand was always in the hunt but lost to Nadal four times in a row. This is tainted only a little by the fact that Federer didn't win against Nadal himself; I guess Fed will have to blow Soderling under a staircase at Roland Garros for beating Rafa...In any case its always sweet to watch greatness.



"Both teams played hard...goodnight and godbless."

Al Davis Strikes Gold...Again!

I'm sure you all remember the first WTF moment of this year's NFL draft: with the seventh pick the Oakland Raider select Darius Heyward-Bey. Awesome, the stunned silence on Mel Kiper's oddly shaped face couldn't have said it better. Sure the Raiders needed to shore up the receiving core this summer but to take DHB at 7 with Crabtree and Maclin both on the board? DHB as the top receiver selected overall? And then it hit...DHB? oh yah that guy had the top 40 time at the combine (4.3 s)... and the hilarity/insanity of Al Davis' 1-variable analysis was evident once again. In any case DHB has done his job in minicamp: showed up and dropped three straight passes, immediately after which he pulled his hamstring and has yet to return. Also he still hasn't agreed on the terms of his rookie contract. It must suck ballz to be a Raiders fan.


"Both teams played hard...goodnight and godbless."

Fire This Shit Up!

Since we have finally gotten dangerously close to some actual debate on this blog...I thought we might as well fan the flames a bit by bringing some congresswomen into the discussion.

Are Tennis Players On The Juice?

Okay, so maybe Gael and Rafa's popping veins and massive bi's and tri's dwarf the bodies of McEnroe and Borg only because today's tennis pros spend a lot more time in the gym than did their 1970's predecessors. But Jackie Chu, who played in the 2001 Illinois state high school girls tennis tournament, had this to say about the matter in an interview earlier this week: "We were all doing it. In fact, we would shoot each other full of steroids on the bus on the way home from a tournament so that we could hit the gym early the next morning. Although, at prom, I did throw a table through a window when they told me not to mosh on the dance floor." But yet another instance of foul play in Illinois is hardly an indictment of the entire sport. Evidence will only come when Roger Federer tests positive for a rare form of estrogen.

Magic in 6. The matchups in this series just don't sit well with me.

Let's take Black Mamba out of the equation for a moment- assume that he puts up his typical finals stat line (not spectacular for his standards), or decides he wants to pout (see Suns series, Raja Bell). Then what happens to the Lakers?

Andrew Bynum is still blossoming into the fragrant rose petal we all think he may possibly perhaps maybe become. Lamar Odom has an immense talent for not showing up at random points during the season and turning the ball over at important junctions. Derek Fisher is old and irrelevant. Jordan Farmar is still not an impact player, despite early signs of promise. Pau Gasol is soft. Who is left? The grease dripping off of Vujacic's hairpiece makes more of an impact than Luke Walton. Sorry, I mean Luke Walton.

Now let's look at Orlando. Dwight Howard has the potential to absolutely dominate Gasol and Odom. He can out-rebound and will out-hustle either of them if he shows up. Rafer Alston has been superb in his role. Courtney Lee is a wildcard. Rashard Lewis is capable of wreaking havoc, as is Gortat. Let's not forget about Turkoglu, the second best player in this series after Mamba, and his ability to come through in the clutch. And, if anyone hasn't noticed, the Magic are shooting LIGHTS OUT, just like the Celtics and Spurs did on their way to the championship.

I'll take Ron Jeremy over Colonel Sanders and his candy addicted children.

Last night, I had a dream...

...that Lamar Odom was suspended for 56 games, in violation of the NBA's substance abuse policy, for his excessive consumption of candy.

I'm not kidding.

Either I'm becoming way too stressed out about the finals, or my dreams are starting to have a sense of humor.

Anatomy of an Upset?

Its no secret that the Magic have made a habit of being giant killers this postseason, and there is a reasonable level of curiosity about whether they can do it again. Certainly these playoffs have been a prime example of how important specific match ups can be, as in it doesn't matter how good you've been over a season and how good you've been in the playoffs, but how good your team is against its specific opponent. So how does Orlando stack up with the Lakeshow? Pretty well actually, Orlando beat the Lakers both times they faced off this season.


12/20/08 Amway Arena Orlando, Magic 106 Lakers 103

Jameer was huge that day dropping 27 (11/16) points and 5 dimes, Shard pitched in with 22 pts (3/8 from three), Hedo dropped 14 and 7, and D-Wight was noteworthy with 18 and 12 (12/15). As a team they went 12/30 from beyond the arc.

Kobe was Kobe with 41 points (14/31) and old man Fish played well too with 27 points(3/7 from 3). Problem for the Lakers this game was that Pau only went 11 and 7 (with one offensive rebound), and Odom, Bynum, Walton, Ariza etc... all did jack shit.

What can you tell from this? SURPRISE! If the magic have a balanced scoring attack and the Lakers don't give enough supporting scoring for Kobe the Magic will win. More specifically, D-Wight can neutralize much of Pau and Odom's o-rebounding ability especially since both of them have to come out and guard Shard leaving Bynum to get pushed around.

January 16, 2009 STAPLES Center Los Angeles, Magic 109 Lakers 103

Magic were completely balanced: 28 for Jameer, 25 for Dwight (20 boards 3 blocks), Shard 16, Turk 13, Lee with 12. Going 12/28 from three.

Kobe had a triple double: 28/11/13, Bynum and Gasol had 14 and 13, Lamar had 17, Vlad had 15 and fish had 9.A more balanced showing from the Lakers with the best sort of game you can hope for from Kobe and they still lost. D-Wight was way too much to handle inside and Jameer had his way once again.

So based off of those two games the Lakers don't have what it takes to match up with Orlando right? Not really, this series is vastly different from the other two games. In both of these games the Lakers were still starting either Vlad or Walton. Not that either player is a serious weakness but this means they weren't starting Ariza. Ariza is no joke as an offensive and defensive catalyst and his much improved stroke from three point land makes him a difference maker in this lineup (good job by Kupchak to call "1-2-3 no tradebacks" after he sent Evans and Cook to Orlando for Ariza). Additionally the presence of Farmar and Shannon Brown (neither of which played in either regular season game) makes the Lakeshow far less susceptible to the inconsistency of Fisher. The Lakers are also in the post Bynum re-injury era, and whether or not he starts, Odom is getting more minutes from Bynum than he was before. It has been revealed to us all how much Bynum still has to develop and having more Odom and less Bynum also makes the Lakers better. We also can't get away form the fact that Skip to my Lou has been serviceable but is no Jameer Nelson, and Jameer was the player the Lakers couldn't figure out. Unfortunately Jameer Nelson will not play in these finals.

All things considered, the Magic team from the regular season had clear advantage over the Lakers team from the regular season. But both teams are significantly different at this point than they were in January and the changes tip things in favor of the Lakers. The regular season games were close and these ones will be too, the Magic will always be a three point outburst away but the Lakers will hold them off. With all the intrigue and mystery this series will end up being disappointing: Lakers in 5.

"Both teams played hard...good night and godbless."

The NHL is Back Baby

With a great finals rematch up between the league's marquee team and the league's marquee player you have to think that the NHL is on the way back. The rating for the finals have been great and some of the games have even been on network television! With these upcoming rule changes the NHL can once again take its seat on the Rushmore of professional sports...



"Both teams played hard...good night and god bless."

Lakers in 5

Game 5 is the only game I am actually in LA and able to riot - so this is the way it has to go down, much as I'd prefer a victory at Staples

Don't Tell Him He Can't....

Sorry Orlando, but its over. The commander in chief has spoken and by executive command the Lakers will win the title. “Lakers in six, I think,” said Obama when pressed for a decision by Bloomberg News.

That pretty much seals the deal, unless of course the magic are terrorists and will actually attempt to defeat the Lakers (the NBA equivalent to pissing on the flag at this point). I suppose its not that far off...their best chance at guarding Kobe is Pietrus (we obviously can't trust the french), Rashard Lewis could easily be a Korean operative, their coach has a shifty foreign looking mustache, and don't get me started on this guy named Hedo Turkoglu. Besides you actually think it a coincidence that they activate a player named Jameer right before the finals? Too bad we closed Guantanamo Bay.



"Both teams played hard...good night and god bless."

Consider the Octopus

In 1952 a local fish vendor in Detroit flung an octopus on to the ice, which supposedly represented the eight victories it took to win the cup at the time. That year the Wings went on to win the cup in 8 straight games, and the bizarre tradition was started. Its definitely one of the funniest/weirdest sports traditions...I myself have been stopped when entering an away Red Wings game and asked if I was strapped with cephalopod.

Now there are rules to the octo-toss. You can only throw the octopus on the ice after the national anthem or after a Red Wings goal, and can never throw it at a player (that's just rude). Wings fans tend to stick to the guidelines and even pull off an octopus or two on the road. Last year a badass Wings fans bought two seats near the glass and had a boiled octopus (boiling hides the smell) in a plastic bag under his Wings sweater. He tossed it on the ice and was immediately ejected, the fan went outside, changed into different clothing, and sat down in his second seat...hilaaarious. LETS GO RED WINGS!!!!!



"Both teams played hard...good night and god bless."

Jeff Van Gundy Decoder: "Wally Pipping"

Late in the NBA's regular season, Jeff Van Gundy was commentating a Cavs game with Mark Jackson and Mike Breen on ESPN. Breen asked Van Gundy if he agreed with Cavs coach Mike Brown's decision to continue with Andy Varejao as a starter even after the return to health of Ben Wallace. Van Gundy's response was, "Hey, if you've got to Wally Pipp somebody then you've got to Wally Pipp somebody." Van Gundy was referring to the infamous removal of first baseman Wally Pipp from the New York Yankees starting lineup, which happened on this day in 1925. Pipp was replaced by a young nobody from Columbia U. named Lou Gehrig, whom Pipp had trained at the position. Just like Pipp, I do not expect Ben Wallace to ever get his starting position back. And just like Gehrig, I expect Anderson Varejao to start the next 2,130 games for the Cleveland Cavaliers.

The Great White Hype

When the Lakers and Magic kick off the finals this Thursday it will signify much more than two elite teams vying for the crown, it will transcend Disneyworld versus Disneyland, it will shake every basketball fan to their core. We will finally see the spoils of the 2006 nba draft as two elite young talents square off on the ultimate stage: that's right Adam Morisson will complete his destiny and face JJ Redick.

Redick has led an otherwise talentless Magic team all the way to the finals by posting a stellar 6.2 ppg 1.9 assists and 1.4 rebounds in 22 minutes, and what's crazy is that he only needed to play in 12 of the 19 games the Magic had this postseason to put up those numbers (build around him or trade him people). As good as Redick has been, Morrison has been sublime. His 0 points, 0 rebounds, 0 assists, 0 turnovers in 0 minutes have been key for the Lakeshow. Sure Morrison has had a better supporting cast then Redick, but in 0 games this postseason his player efficiency rating is infinity. INFINITY! Can you place a value on that? (by definition, no). Only time will tell who will go into Cooperstown as the greater champion, but in the interim we can all be treated to a dream match up that's been three long years in the making.


"Both teams played hard...good night and god bless."