Congratulations to Serena Williams for the well deserved honor of female athlete of the year. After another great season Williams earned 66 of the 138 available votes to secure her second recognition as the premiere female athlete...of any species. The runner up? Zenyatta, who raced to a 14-0 career start and became the first female horse to win the Breeders' Cup Classic. WTF? A horse? I guess the horse is competing in a sport so it must be an athlete, but really guys? considering animals for national honors? I guess Bo, the Obama's dog, should be a shoe in for the next Nobel peace prize. Anywhoooo the real loser here is Kim Clijsters who came in third to the horse...OUCH!
Attention Sporting Nerds....the Washington Wizards need our help...seriously. Apparently they are getting tired of their usual Flip Saunders run timeouts:
The Los Angeles Kings are in first place in the West, and are one point off of the overall best record....oh hey! How is this even remotely possible? Well there is stud young gun Anze Kopitar (#6 in the league in points), crafty veteran Ryan Smyth, and between the pipes they got the league leader in wins Jonathan Quick (great name). I mean...that's not bad, in fact they might actually be good. All three teams are relevant in LaLa land, now they just need the Chargers to move. In any case go ahead and chalk this up as one more team for the Los Angeles homers to add to their swagger behind the imminent Lakers 9-peat and the Doyers world series title.
How weird is this trade? Forget all the jibber jabber about which prospects went where and which prospects used to be untouchable just for a second. The trade boils down to the Phillies trading away a number one ace, and then making a second deal to bring in another number one ace. Which is definitely strange. Apparently it stems the fact that the Phillies have a policy that they want their pitchers on 3-4 year deals and nothing more, and they knew that Lee wanted something in the ballpark of his best bud Sabbathia who pulled in a 800 billion dollar deal for 15,000 years. I can understand their perspective, pitchers who inevitably will get hurt, get contracts that are way too long. But the contract they are offering Halladay (20 million a year for three years!!!) is no joke, especially since he is 32. I suppose it is less risk than offering Lee the same for 7 years (31 years old), but so much less risk that its worth giving up on Drabek? (yes now you can reinsert the prospects) I mean Drabek was one of those "untouchable" dudes and likely a reason why the Phillies stalled on a deal for Halladay before the trade deadline. But considering that it didn't take them Drabek to get Lee (well done Cleveland) and that they have suddenly reversed their position on Drabek's value is it possible that the Phillies could have had Lee AND Halladay this playoff run? Maybe, and if that was the case we might not have to suffer through an entire season of the Yanks "defending their title." Ewww.
That Chad character...he's so zany. Mr. 8 5 declared via u-stream this past weekend that he will legally change his last name from Ochocinco to Hachi Go. Yup, Chad Hachi Go. So why change your name from the spanish word for eight five to the Japanese word for eight five? Apparently a Japanese film crew was doing a piece on the Bengals recently and they informed Chad that he is well loved in Japan and suggested that he change Ochocinco to the Japanese version. Said the receiver formerly known as Mr. Johnson: “Some fans of mine that are Japanese said I should change my last name to ‘Hachi Go’.” And that is all it took. No word yet on whether or not Mr. Ochocinco has considered changing his name to the actual translation of "eighty five" or if he is sticking with the individual numbers. Hopefully Mr. Ochocinco will meet up with his Bulgarian fans some time soon....I for one can't wait to see Chad осморка банкнота от пет долара and his loltastic celebrations.
Some people out there may have been dissapointed with the sporting nerd's coverage of Tiger Woods' philandering. But as I've said before, I don't really know what to make of it. I feel as if there is some insightful social commentary out there that really cuts to the core of what this all means....some venerable scholar with a gift for slicing through the myopia to reveal the underlying truth of the situation. Well that commentary does exist, and it was provided by none other than famed sociologist Dr. Brendan Haywood: 
In a year that has already been unkind to the D, a holiday three-way looks to take away Edwin Jackson and Curtis Granderson. Jackson could soon be wearing an Arizona Diamondbacks jersey, and Granderson could soon be (come on, Detroit, you knew this was only a matter of time) a New York Yankee. Putting Granderson in the Yankee lineup would remove Melky Cabrera in center field. Look out, Robinson Cano. You are now the weakest link.
Well not really...I mean there was that one time that I fell asleep and he put his balls in my mouth and took a picture...but I was asleep so that doesn't count. In any case it seems like an everyday occurrence now that some breezy pops out of nowhere claiming that Tiger got some. The whole thing is strange/gross and its not clear what to believe or think about any of it. In reality the only thing you can conclude from all this is that Tiger has been clobbering the caucasian female like whoa...and I don't have anything novel to say about that. Little fact that you might not remember though: Tiger met his wife Elin through fellow golfer Jasper Parnevik as Ms. Nordegren was Jasper's babysitter (congratulations to Parnevik's children). Well Jasper hasn't been all that pleased with the dirty dirty that Tiger has on display, going as far as to say:
Former Redwing and certified badass, Brendan Shanahan knows how to hold a grudge. In a satellite radio interview Shanny (that's what you call him if you're in the know) talked about growing up as a Maple Leafs fan and getting to meet Toronto captain Rick Vaive in 1983. 
I love interviews with RonRon because he is frankly bat shit and does not attempt to hide it in anyway. His upcoming interview in sporting news magazine is riddled with all sorts of his madness. 
I'm sure the number one holiday gift item for sporting nerd enthusiasts will be Sarah Palin's book "Going Rogue." Well just to give yall a sneak peak (you like that "yall" eh? sooo country) Palin quoted legendary UCLA coach John wooden in biography:"Our land is everything to us...I will tell you one of the things we remember on our land. We remember our grandfathers paid for it -- with their lives."
In case you missed MNF Drew Brees and his boys dismantled the Patriots behind Brees' 371 yards (18/23) and 5 TDs (no picks). Man it must be sweet to be Brees: not only does he boast the league best 112.6 QB rating but he is friends with Carlton! The real story though is that the Saints are extremely tight. They have won games through their prolific air attack (like Monday), when the passing game isn't working they have won games by pounding it up the guy with Bell/Thomas, and when all else fails they have won games on defense (league best 29 takeaways). At this point the Saints could legitimately go undefeated with only the Skins, Falcons, Boys, Bucs, and Panthers in the way.
Oh Noooooooo! Coach FUPA! What will we do without you? I have gotten so used to the idea of ND sucking. You and your "pro-style" offense has will be missed as year after year it forced a system on kids who were unable to to play at a pro level...likely because they were in college. In any case you were able to mold some true pro prospects like Brady Quinn. And you had that one good year when you were coaching Tyrone Willingham's players. Well done! I'm sure you are pleased with the 18 million dollars it will take the Irish to buy out your ludicrous 10 year extension. Hey, I hear the Cleveland Browns have an opening for a new Belichick disciple. You could coach your old pal Brady! I would try and shelve the pro-style offense though.
Everything the Jigga Man touches turns to gold right? Well not the epically horrible New Jersey Nets. Last night, after firing their coach, they took their 0-16 start on the road to the Staples Center where they were unceremoniously trounced by the defending champs. The now 0-17 Nets are tied for the words start in history (with the 99 and 94 Clippers among others). The NBA's worst scoring and worst shooting team will try and salvage some kind of dignity by avoiding sole ownership of the record this Wednesday. They have a home game against the Mavericks...good luck. I bet it will really really suck to be Devin Harris on Wednesday.
Sorry for the deliberately not safe for work picture, but its cool cause I hate you. In any case, several such "self portraits" were apparently snagged off of the laptop of Grady's lady friend playmate Brittany Binger. I have to say he did a pretty good job on these and Grady's Ladies all over Cleveland are having a field day. My favorite touch? The use of a teabag in the mug...how meta.
In case you have absolutely no idea what's going on in the world Tiger Woods was in a car accident this Thanksgiving weekend. An accident that left him passed out with facial lacerations and resulted in hospitalization. By itself that would be a pretty big story but the accident was right outside his house and he managed to hit both a fire hydrant and a tree. Also the accident was at 2 AM the morning after thanksgiving, his wife had to break the back window of his car with a golf club to get him out, and Woods is on prescription pain killers. Damn! All that by its self is amply scandalous except this accident happened 2 days after National Enquirer claimed that Woods has been having an affair with event planner Rachel Uchitel. And was followed by a TMZ story claiming that the facial lacerations were from Woods' wife scratching his face and that she was chasing the car and hitting it with the golf club. Oh hey. Woods in the mean time has avoided talking about the event to anyone including the police. Now technically he didn't have to make a police statement at that time, but the Florida highway patrol is applying for a warrant for the medical records from his hospitalization, presumably to differentiate between wounds from a car accident or domestic violence. I don't really know what to make of all that...but the person he is allegedly having the affair with is already gearing up to sue the Enquirer, and there is of course the logical conundrum of cheating on Elin Nordegren . Even if the alleged affair is BS there are still enough unaccounted for facts that make it certain that some nefarious underhanded activity was in play. Either way Tiger's image just lost a whole lot of sheen. Here comes another fallen hero. 
Jimmy Clausen ladies and gentlemen! Jimmy was at a pub in South Bend with his parents, teammates and a ladyfriend after the crushing double OT loss to the huskies. Its no secret that Notre Dame has been totally pooh holes for a while, but blame typically falls to Coach FUPA. I never really thought about blaming it on the starting QB, but apparently an irate ND fan did as he sucker punched Clausen in the face causing TWO black eyes. HA! I mean look at that guy...I have a strong desire to punch him in the face without caring the least about anything that has to do with him. Imagine if was the QB of a team that caused you weekly depression...
Futility Bowl 2009 went down in the D today with the offensively inept Cleveland browns taking on the defensively inept Detroit Lions in what was surprisingly a very entertaining 38-37 shootout. Stafford came back on the field after what was clearly a debilitating shoulder injury to throw the game tying touchdown with no time on the clock...becoming the only rookie QB ever to throw 5 TDs in a game. 2 wins for the Lions! Slow and steady improvement baby, get it done.
Ricky Williams is a weird dude, no doubt. But at 32 years of age he is racking up 5+ yards per carry and took three trips to the endzone this Thursday. What does a wack job like Ricky Williams do keep his body going? Well apparently he did a lot more than just smoke weed and have diarrhea during his year in India. In addition to acupuncture,massages, and twice-weekly yoga. Mr. Williams engages in regular Pranic healing. This is how it works according to the healer Daniel O'Hara:"Ricky will send me a text message saying, for example, to work on his ankle,'' O'Hara will then ``visualize Ricky's ankle as if he's standing in front of me. I visualize him glowing. I make a sweeping motion over my ankle to remove the dirty energy from his ankle that's creating an abnormality and give his body fresh, revitalizing energy. Ricky could be doing anything when I'm doing this -- watching TV, sleeping,'' O'Hara said."
Since I am American, and not extremely lame, I know very little about professional soccer players. But apparently some guy that is very good (Robin van Persie) ruptured several ligaments in his ankle. Apparently this is bad since he has been integral to Arsenal (perhaps this is the name of some team) scoring 8 goals in his last 11 games (that is good I think). But what IS interesting is the fact that van Persie is not taking this lying down, in fact he is using some cutting edge therapies to get his ankle back on track: “I will fly to the Balkans to meet with a female doctor who helped Lazovic. She is vague about her methods but I know she massages you using fluid from a placenta. I’m going to try. It cannot hurt and if it helps, it helps. I’ve been in contact with Arsenal physiotherapists and they have let me do it.”
Finally, I make good on my second blogging pledge. I gave some love to Jason Maxiel, and now I get to give some to Michelle Wie. Girl won the Lorena Ochoa Invitational, fellas. Her first title on the LPGA tour. Tore Guadalajara UP. Then hopefully partied like Anthony Kim. 
Consummate professional, and sometimes captain of the Goldenstate warriors, Stephen Jackson has had his trade demands met as the Warriors are sending him and Acie Law the IVth (bitches!) to the Bobcats for Raja Bell (so annoying) and Vlad Radmanovic. Well, that's cute. I'm sure Larry Brown can't wait to have Steven Jackson in his locker room. The Cats will be a weird team if they start Jackson, Wallace, and Diaw (three natural small forwards)so I guess it will be "interesting" to see what they do with that. Or not since its the Bobcats. Meanwhile I'm sure Flip Murray is glad to finally have a teammate that will run up in the stands and kill some fools if he leads the way. You know he's thinking about it...he's fricking Flip Murray.
So, Toby Gerhart put in another dominating performance at RB for Stanford yesterday (178 years on the ground and 3TDs) in a 55-21 humiliation of the USC Trojans, a week after 223 yards and 3TD against Oregon. He is now getting some serious Heisman talk coming his way with impressive season totals of 1,395 yards and 19 TDs on the ground. The most shocking angle to this story is that the guy is white. Yes, you heard that correctly, I'll give you a few seconds to let that sink in.... A guy almost as white as me (for those that don't know me I pretty much glow in the dark I am so white) is running all over and away from defenses filled with prep all-american recruits.
Earlier this week songstress Rihanna or um-ber-ella fame was hanging out in the Wonderland nightclub in LA with James Blount (what the hell?). Apparently Braylon and a few of his teammates were there too and they sent over a $10,000 bottle of champagne. 10 grand man, one bottle, could it really be better than 5,000 bottles of charles shaw? In any case Ri-Ri turned down the bottle as she does not take champagne from strangers...and went on to say that she didn't know who Braylon Edwards was. Ouch! On one hand I'm sure Braylon feels lame for beeing a nobody but on the flip side Rihanna does seem more awesome now that she is obviously way too famous to know people like probowl receivers. I guess living in Cleveland really doesn't afford adequate media exposure even for star athletes....hear that Lebron?
The oddly shaped second overall pick Hasheem Thabeet has unfortunately broken his jaw after an on the court collision. The collision was of course with teammate Zach Randolph's head. Rookie mistake, anyone familiar with the NBA should know that Randolph's enormous head should not be messed with. The gravitational pull of the object is so immense that any time he touches the ball it is stuck to him, thus rendering him incapable of passing. Only a rookie would be foolish enough to be in the lane at the same time as that immense object. Thabeet was inevitably accelerated towards Randolph's head resulting in jaw fracture. The UConn standout should consider himself lucky as former diminutive NBA player Earl Boykins once attempted to drive the lane on Randolph and actually burned to ashes as he approached to atmosphere around Randolph's head. Randolph certainly doesn't possess the largest cranium in the league, in the pantheon of massive noggins he is no match for Yao Ming or Antoine Walker. But he is a veritable Uranus to their Jupiter and Saturn, gotta watch out for that Thabeet.
So apparently the Beijing Olympics organizers distributed condoms to all the athletes of the olympic village this past summer, which really insn't that crazy. I mean a whole bunch of stressed out young athletic people crammed in one spot? The writing is on the wall (gross!). But what is interesting is the phenomenal overestimation by the organizers of the Olympics as they distributed 100,000 jimmy hats to the athletes, and the fact that the condoms are individually marked with the olympic slogan: "faster, higher, stronger." HA! In any case there were a bunch left over and they are now up for auction in units of 5,000 condoms with a starting bid of 730 dollars. Don't be scared...be prepared.
World renowned extremely awesome and beloved dude (and occasional baseball player) Alex Rodriguez just found another way for you to hate him. An ex lady friend of Sir A-Rod reports in US Weekly that:
Former California gubernatorial candidate and adult film actress (the kind with the what what in the butt) Mary Carey revealed during a radio interview in Sacto what must be the weirdest love triangle evaarrrr. Ms. Carey relates how she had been in frequent contact with Dwight Howard who had been sending her numerous bible passages and such to convince her to leave adult films. Eventually she found herself in Orlando but decided to go on a date with Chris Kirkpatrick from N'SYNC....WHAT!?!?!?! In any case Dwight apparently kept calling and then showed up at Kirkpatrick's house, in Ms. Carey's words:
"I’m like oh my god, what do I do? I was like, I got Dwight here and I got Chris in the other room and I’m talking to them back and forth. So finally I had to just pull Dwight in the bathroom and tell him he needs to go home. I was like I’m really sorry, I really like you, but this isn’t the time or place. When I pull him in the bathroom, he pulls his pants down, I was like, whooa. Yeah, and so I ran and started screaming …"
Since every champion has gotten a congratulatory post I suppose I can congratulate the Yankees on winning their 27th world series (hey man, I even congratulated the Pens after they beat the Wings.) I'll admit that I'm guilty of a little Yankee schadenfreude, just like the next guy, but really they were simply hella good and should get some respect. But also I hate those guys. The Phillies meanwhile were unable to break their 366 day world championship drought. Can anyone say curse?
I remember that day fondly...I was a young first-year medical student and my friends and I were lucky enough to go see the Mavericks play the Cavs and then to have some court time on the floor of the Q! (I'm not that guy who just wears head bands to games, but I am unfortunately that guy who wears head bands when he plays ball). I thought it couldn't get better, until (as you can see) we met frickin Bill Walton! How tight is that? Walton was my favorite NBA analyst no doubt, and though I'd admit that I hated him entirely for many years his insanity eventually grew on me. I loved how he would say entire sentences without a verb: "Yao Ming...the poise...the grace...," and his ridiculous overstatements: "Boris Diaw is hands down the most versatile player in the last two generations of the NBA, bar none." And nothing was funnier than when he anounced Lakers games and would say nothing whenver Luke Walton did something good but would jump on him for any mistake: "Terrible pass by Luke Walton." Well I guess those days are over as Mr. Walton is retiring from the analyst fast life: 
Ohhhhh...you thought this was over? 3 posts about 1 topic too much? Well in case Manu Ginobili striking a bat that was trying to go left on him out of the air in the middle of a basketball game wasn't enough for you....peep this: PETA is now accusing Ginobili of being an animal abuser and are likening him to Mike Vick:
Batmanu reports via his facebook page via ESPN, he needed get a rabies vaccine after his encounter with the flying rat. I don't know why, but this whole ordeal is riveting.
Living at the Bishops Forest condominium complex in Waltham during the Celtics season, Walker turned the pavement surrounding his home into a virtual luxury car lot - two Bentleys, two Mercedes, a Range Rover, a Cadillac Escalade, a bright red Hummer. Often, the vehicles were tricked out with custom paint jobs, rims, and sound systems at considerable added expense. He also collected top-line watches - Rolexes and diamond-encrusted Cartiers.
Then, there were the custom-tailored suits - closets full of them, including the set he ordered for his first playoff run in 2002, enough so he wouldn’t wear a suit more than once during the postseason run. When the Celtics officially hired Jim O’Brien as head coach in 2001, Walker had his tailor make three suits and presented them to O’Brien.
So two Cleveland Indian products will go head to head tonight to kick off a world series between the defending champs (hate them) and the evil empire (hate them more). Everything points to this being a great series and one that is extremely tough to call. Popular consensus seems to favor the Yankees since various demons have been exorcised and the October bats and pitches have emerged, but its really not that simple. Both teams have ace pitching, both teams have a solid middle infield, both teams have huge lineups, both teams have reliable bullpens, and let's face it both teams played hard. I will say this about the yanks: Rivera right now is a serious advantage over Lidge. Even though Lidge has been reliable this october his shaky entire year is hard to ignore, and you just have to have feel like Rivera's insider cutter will carve up the lefty heavy meat of the Phillies lineup. So basically if the Yankess have a lead after 7 innings they are winning. But how often will that happen? The Phillies can definitely put some bats on and could easily be playing with some leads...depending on the the pitching. So once again I will ignore everything else and base my prediction only on starting pitching: looks like both teams are going with three man rotations and in that case we have Lee, Martinez, and Hamels against Sabbathia, Burnett, and Pettite (in that order). Again the lefty issue with the Phillies is a weakness against CC, but if Cliff Lee strikes everyone out who cares? Martinez was deadly in his last outing and Burnett was whatever in an 8 hit 6 earned run game in Anaheim. And everyone knows the story with Hamels, there is a slight possibilty that he is dominant or he might be whatever for 5 innings. Pettitte on the other hand has been solid and would eat up a shaky Hamels start. So what does that all mean? I kind of have no idea but in my nightamres something like this happens: CC will win his game one start against Lee (in a classic) but the Angels salvage a split behind Martinez. Yankees then split in Phili with Hamels losing and Lee getting revenge. If all that stuff I completely made up happens then this goes the distance and CC shows arm fatigue in the final game and Lee wins again. Phillies in seven. Side note: can you imagine the heat in the Bronx if Lee shuts em down for the win tonight? 
This is the least surprising, yet most depressing news of the sporting season, bar none:
http://sports.espn.go.com/nba/news/story?id=4597949
I hope he will at least take this opportunity to work on his wardrobe.
Everybody loves a comeback. And that's why the elusive honor of mancrush goes to Cedric Benson of the Cincinnati Bengals. Benson the former #4 overall pick was of course run out of Chicago after a boating under the influence arrest (in which he resisted arrest and was pepper sprayed, pictured) and a subsequent DUI. He was then apparently bad mouthed around the league by the Bears, thus delaying him from getting a job until he finally landed on the essentially running back-less Bengals. Now he is the NFL's leading rusher and torched his unforgiving former team for 189 yards and a touchdown this Sunday. Cedric the Entertainer...GET SOME!
Peja, everyone's favorite molester beard wearing, hangout on the three point line, and play no defense Serb is apparently quite a hustler. According to a video posted by adult film star (the kind with the sex) Sienna West she was en route to "meet" with Peja in LA presumably as part of an escort service since her companion in the video explicitly states that he hopes Peja "tips" her. In any case that's just some video but afterwards Sienna West's twitter page said this:
A few of the nerds and I were lucky enough to make it to the Jay-Z concert last night in Cleveland. Obviously it was incredibly sick, but that is not sports related so ask me about it some other time. Of note however was the presence of Lebron James: at choice times during the concert he was up on stage sans microphone and dancing along. He is undoubtedly a horrible horrible dancer and was completely off rythm every moment he was up there. Interestingly Lebron came out for the entire rendition of "Empire State of Mind" Jay-Z's song about New York. Having a keen eye for subtlety the Clevelanders actually started booing and Jay stopped to track to say he wasn't feeling enough love. AWKWARD...but since they brought it up what should we expect of the Cavs and imminent free agent Lebron James? I will go ahead and say that Lebron will keep his leverage and not sign an extension. I will also make the claim that the Cavs will not make the NBA finals, period. If they face the Magic they will lose in six, and a healthy Celtics team will beat them in six too. Without a title in hand its hard to imagine Lebron beeing to happy about being a Cavalier, but since he is such an Ohio man and the Cavaliers can pay him the most $ he would need a really really compelling reason to go anywhere. Why would he take less money to play for the Nicks or New Jersey? There is basically no way that either team would be better than the Cavs. That's why I'm saying, and keep in mind that I'm just saying, that Lebron will take a hard look at joining the Clippers. If the Clipshow does not resign Marcus Camby and Sebastion Telfair does not take is option (or the Clippers buy it out) then they can actually offer King James a decent salary of about 20 million bones a year. Thereby having a lineup of:
