VY is the Future...Again

Vince Young baby! VY finished out this 99 yard 18 play drive with a game winning strike to Kenny Britt as time expired. Young inherited the starting position from Kerry Collins after the Titans went winless through their first six. The Titans have now won 5 in a row under Young, making Chris Johson's guarantee of 10 wins in a row and the playoffs that much more believable. After going through some pretty rough times the former offensive rookie of the year is finally returning to relevancy. I love comebacks baby! Interestingly, because of the injury to Warner this was the first time that Young played against Leinhart since the Rosebowl. Sucks for Leinhart that both games ended in last second TDs by VY.

"Both teams played hard...goodnight and godbless."

FUPA: Failed Undertaking with Pro-coach with A fupa

Oh Noooooooo! Coach FUPA! What will we do without you? I have gotten so used to the idea of ND sucking. You and your "pro-style" offense has will be missed as year after year it forced a system on kids who were unable to to play at a pro level...likely because they were in college. In any case you were able to mold some true pro prospects like Brady Quinn. And you had that one good year when you were coaching Tyrone Willingham's players. Well done! I'm sure you are pleased with the 18 million dollars it will take the Irish to buy out your ludicrous 10 year extension. Hey, I hear the Cleveland Browns have an opening for a new Belichick disciple. You could coach your old pal Brady! I would try and shelve the pro-style offense though.



"Both teams played hard...goodnight and godbless."

New Jersey: Continuing to Fail at Everything

Everything the Jigga Man touches turns to gold right? Well not the epically horrible New Jersey Nets. Last night, after firing their coach, they took their 0-16 start on the road to the Staples Center where they were unceremoniously trounced by the defending champs. The now 0-17 Nets are tied for the words start in history (with the 99 and 94 Clippers among others). The NBA's worst scoring and worst shooting team will try and salvage some kind of dignity by avoiding sole ownership of the record this Wednesday. They have a home game against the Mavericks...good luck. I bet it will really really suck to be Devin Harris on Wednesday.








"Both teams played hard...goodnight and godbless."

Grady Size-less: NSFW

Sorry for the deliberately not safe for work picture, but its cool cause I hate you. In any case, several such "self portraits" were apparently snagged off of the laptop of Grady's lady friend playmate Brittany Binger. I have to say he did a pretty good job on these and Grady's Ladies all over Cleveland are having a field day. My favorite touch? The use of a teabag in the mug...how meta.

"Both teams played hard...goodnight and godbless."

Subpar

In case you have absolutely no idea what's going on in the world Tiger Woods was in a car accident this Thanksgiving weekend. An accident that left him passed out with facial lacerations and resulted in hospitalization. By itself that would be a pretty big story but the accident was right outside his house and he managed to hit both a fire hydrant and a tree. Also the accident was at 2 AM the morning after thanksgiving, his wife had to break the back window of his car with a golf club to get him out, and Woods is on prescription pain killers. Damn! All that by its self is amply scandalous except this accident happened 2 days after National Enquirer claimed that Woods has been having an affair with event planner Rachel Uchitel. And was followed by a TMZ story claiming that the facial lacerations were from Woods' wife scratching his face and that she was chasing the car and hitting it with the golf club. Oh hey. Woods in the mean time has avoided talking about the event to anyone including the police. Now technically he didn't have to make a police statement at that time, but the Florida highway patrol is applying for a warrant for the medical records from his hospitalization, presumably to differentiate between wounds from a car accident or domestic violence. I don't really know what to make of all that...but the person he is allegedly having the affair with is already gearing up to sue the Enquirer, and there is of course the logical conundrum of cheating on Elin Nordegren . Even if the alleged affair is BS there are still enough unaccounted for facts that make it certain that some nefarious underhanded activity was in play. Either way Tiger's image just lost a whole lot of sheen. Here comes another fallen hero.

"Both teams played hard...goodnight and godbless."

HAHA...IN YOUR FACE!

Jimmy Clausen ladies and gentlemen! Jimmy was at a pub in South Bend with his parents, teammates and a ladyfriend after the crushing double OT loss to the huskies. Its no secret that Notre Dame has been totally pooh holes for a while, but blame typically falls to Coach FUPA. I never really thought about blaming it on the starting QB, but apparently an irate ND fan did as he sucker punched Clausen in the face causing TWO black eyes. HA! I mean look at that guy...I have a strong desire to punch him in the face without caring the least about anything that has to do with him. Imagine if was the QB of a team that caused you weekly depression...










"Both teams played hard...goodnight and godbless."

I'm The MBP: Most Ballinist Player

Congrats to the AL and NL MVPS, Mauer and Pujols were obviously dominant in every way last season and were the clear choices. In fact it would have been unanimous in both leagues except Miguel Cabrera stole one first place vote from Mauer. I mean he obviously didn't deserve it but hey I'm not gonna deny a shout out to the D, get some Miggie Pop (sports nerd original nickname)!!! Inevitably the steroid rabble with flex their muscles about Pujols...and he is unfathomably good. But he is the only "dominant" hitter that was performing in the steroid era whose production in no way trailed off after the advent of testing. Also his name is "pooh holes."

"Both teams played hard...goodnight and godbless."

Black Mamba: Still the Sex

How totally tits is that shot? Its gotta suck to be the defender on that play, do everything right and force the shooter to the baseline, damn, I wonder if Kobe practices that? Whether or not he does the shot does tell us one thing, Kobe is still tight. Not a mystery you say? Well at 31 years of age its not really clear what to expect from Bryant. He's done a great job transitioning his game to a more efficient jump shot based attack, and this carbon copy of Michael Jordan's transition to senior citizenship is guaranteed to keep Kobe effective for longer. But its also part of the reason that people sleep on Bryant. This version of him is much more apt to getting the "quiet 30" with 6 assists and 6 boards and much less likely to get a violent Sportscenter top-10 dunk. Which, by what I am sure is in no way a coincidence, is exactly how Jordan operated during the majority of the Bull's 6-peat. It's not that Kobe or Jordan completely lost their ability to depend on their athleticism, its more that they were practical about the fact that this element of their game was slowly being compromised. In both cases the solution was the same: change your game and be effective for longer. I'm sure its a tough decision to make and tougher to execute, especially when everyone is ready to forget about you and give the reigns of the league to the next generation. And even though Wade and Lebron are dominant I have trouble seeing them transitioning away from their athleticism as they age. So don't give up on grandpa Mamba just yet, he might be playing some boring/efficient basketball these days but it looks like he's still got a few tricks up his sleeve.

"Both teams played hard...goodnight and godbless."

Built Stafford Tough

Futility Bowl 2009 went down in the D today with the offensively inept Cleveland browns taking on the defensively inept Detroit Lions in what was surprisingly a very entertaining 38-37 shootout. Stafford came back on the field after what was clearly a debilitating shoulder injury to throw the game tying touchdown with no time on the clock...becoming the only rookie QB ever to throw 5 TDs in a game. 2 wins for the Lions! Slow and steady improvement baby, get it done.




"Both teams played hard...goodnight and godbless."

FYI: This Guy Does Some Weird Sh*t

Ricky Williams is a weird dude, no doubt. But at 32 years of age he is racking up 5+ yards per carry and took three trips to the endzone this Thursday. What does a wack job like Ricky Williams do keep his body going? Well apparently he did a lot more than just smoke weed and have diarrhea during his year in India. In addition to acupuncture,massages, and twice-weekly yoga. Mr. Williams engages in regular Pranic healing. This is how it works according to the healer Daniel O'Hara:

"Ricky will send me a text message saying, for example, to work on his ankle,'' O'Hara will then ``visualize Ricky's ankle as if he's standing in front of me. I visualize him glowing. I make a sweeping motion over my ankle to remove the dirty energy from his ankle that's creating an abnormality and give his body fresh, revitalizing energy. Ricky could be doing anything when I'm doing this -- watching TV, sleeping,'' O'Hara said."

How sweet is that? It's the ultimate medical outsource, although I'm not really sure what it is doing other than having some dude from far away thinking about you getting better. Whatever is going on there it seems to be working for Sticky Ricky Icky.

"Both teams played hard...goodnight and godbless."

OMG, A STICK!!!!! MUST HAVE

Apparently people in southern Cali actually attend Anaheim Ducks' games, and apparently these people aren't exactly classy. In this absurd clip Anaheim captain Scott Niedermeyer tosses his stick over the boards, and the fans waste absolutely not time before full out brawling for it. Literally within seconds it seems that one dude is choking another dude...the best moment comes when the camera man starts panning away and it is clear that someone that was not part of the scrum has ended up with the stick. In that moment you can see what appears to be a little girl jump on the back of the pile and slam some dudes with her purse. I know that as a Piston's fan I don't have much say in these sorts of things but seriously Orange County...FAIL.

"Both teams played hard...goodnight and godbless."

Oh OK, He's Just Getting a Placenta Massage...Wait, What?

Since I am American, and not extremely lame, I know very little about professional soccer players. But apparently some guy that is very good (Robin van Persie) ruptured several ligaments in his ankle. Apparently this is bad since he has been integral to Arsenal (perhaps this is the name of some team) scoring 8 goals in his last 11 games (that is good I think). But what IS interesting is the fact that van Persie is not taking this lying down, in fact he is using some cutting edge therapies to get his ankle back on track:

“I will fly to the Balkans to meet with a female doctor who helped Lazovic. She is vague about her methods but I know she massages you using fluid from a placenta. I’m going to try. It cannot hurt and if it helps, it helps. I’ve been in contact with Arsenal physiotherapists and they have let me do it.”

Awesome. Vague Methods? Placenta? Balkans? Recipe for success, in fact you'd be stupid NOT to do this. Personally if I was in charge of this I would just fill a sock with ground up placenta pieces and then have him put it on. Nothing vague about that! BOOOOYAH

"Both teams played hard...goodnight and godbless."

Yeeeeeeeah!!

Finally, I make good on my second blogging pledge. I gave some love to Jason Maxiel, and now I get to give some to Michelle Wie. Girl won the Lorena Ochoa Invitational, fellas. Her first title on the LPGA tour. Tore Guadalajara UP. Then hopefully partied like Anthony Kim.

"We Ride Together Man"

Consummate professional, and sometimes captain of the Goldenstate warriors, Stephen Jackson has had his trade demands met as the Warriors are sending him and Acie Law the IVth (bitches!) to the Bobcats for Raja Bell (so annoying) and Vlad Radmanovic. Well, that's cute. I'm sure Larry Brown can't wait to have Steven Jackson in his locker room. The Cats will be a weird team if they start Jackson, Wallace, and Diaw (three natural small forwards)so I guess it will be "interesting" to see what they do with that. Or not since its the Bobcats. Meanwhile I'm sure Flip Murray is glad to finally have a teammate that will run up in the stands and kill some fools if he leads the way. You know he's thinking about it...he's fricking Flip Murray.




"Both teams played hard...goodnight and godbless."

Bill Beeeeeeeeelichick: Too Smart For His Own Good?

Bill Belichick, known for his sexy cutoffs and crafty tactics, made what has become a hotly debated play call on Monday Night Football. Basically it was 4th and 2 on their own 28 with a 6 point lead, and they went for it...failing to convert by inches and ultimately losing to a Manning-Wayne TD. Definitely exciting, but there have been some wild claims out there: Rodney Harrison saying it was the worst decision of Beeeeeelichick's career or Trent Dilfer saying it was ludicrous. Thing is there is basically no decision that Belichick makes that isn't based off of cold hard facts, and the closeness of their own endzone and sense of momentum would make 99.9% of coaches too scared to go for it. And that is what makes Belichick better than everyone else. The best breakdown of why this was the correct call is on deadspin. The ability to make calls based off of data and to ignore emotion and momentum is part of what makes Belichick awesome at what he does. Its also what makes him come off as such a dick, which is why everyone hates him. So now that I have acknowledged that he made the statistically correct call I can now enjoy the fact that the call went horribly wrong. In your face Belichick!!!! You and your fancy stats got owned hard by Mr. Manning and his country bumpkins. Haha, what a nerd.

"Both teams played hard...goodnight and godbless."

The Great White Hope!

So, Toby Gerhart put in another dominating performance at RB for Stanford yesterday (178 years on the ground and 3TDs) in a 55-21 humiliation of the USC Trojans, a week after 223 yards and 3TD against Oregon. He is now getting some serious Heisman talk coming his way with impressive season totals of 1,395 yards and 19 TDs on the ground. The most shocking angle to this story is that the guy is white. Yes, you heard that correctly, I'll give you a few seconds to let that sink in.... A guy almost as white as me (for those that don't know me I pretty much glow in the dark I am so white) is running all over and away from defenses filled with prep all-american recruits.

Not since those first few Gonzaga sweet sixteen teams approximately 10 years ago have pale white guys had such an inspirational sports story that drove us to say "Yes we can!!" (Disclaimer: Hockey does not count because only white people play hockey)

So I had to look up, when is the last time a white RB that won the Heisman trophy? Well, the answer is that it has been over 35 years since such a feat has been achieved. The immortal John Cappeletti, a RB for Penn State, did the impossible back in 1973. Interesting random note, Cappeletti married his HS girlfriend, whose father Alan Amechi also won the Heisman in 1954. You would think that winning the heisman would be a feat that would one-up your father-in-law but not in this case, poor guy. Anyways...

I would like to officially start The Sporting Nerd Campaign of Toby Gerhart for Heisman!!! (Chorus: Yes we Can!! Yes we Can!! Yes we Can!! Yes we Can!! Yes we Can!! ......)

JK Lolz

When Phil Jackson said yesterday that Pau Gasol might come back "by Christmas" from a pesky hammy injury, Gasol fanta-c owners felt completely f'd in the A. Not to mention Lakarz fans hoping for a deuce-peat. But, it turns out Jackson was just joking. Gasol is definitely DTD - day-to-day in fanta-C parlance - and is probably out another week or two tops. Haha, oh Phil.

Braylon Edwards: Not Gonna Run This Town Tonight

Earlier this week songstress Rihanna or um-ber-ella fame was hanging out in the Wonderland nightclub in LA with James Blount (what the hell?). Apparently Braylon and a few of his teammates were there too and they sent over a $10,000 bottle of champagne. 10 grand man, one bottle, could it really be better than 5,000 bottles of charles shaw? In any case Ri-Ri turned down the bottle as she does not take champagne from strangers...and went on to say that she didn't know who Braylon Edwards was. Ouch! On one hand I'm sure Braylon feels lame for beeing a nobody but on the flip side Rihanna does seem more awesome now that she is obviously way too famous to know people like probowl receivers. I guess living in Cleveland really doesn't afford adequate media exposure even for star athletes....hear that Lebron?



"Both teams played hard...goodnight and godbless."

Zach Randolph's Head: Still a Problem

The oddly shaped second overall pick Hasheem Thabeet has unfortunately broken his jaw after an on the court collision. The collision was of course with teammate Zach Randolph's head. Rookie mistake, anyone familiar with the NBA should know that Randolph's enormous head should not be messed with. The gravitational pull of the object is so immense that any time he touches the ball it is stuck to him, thus rendering him incapable of passing. Only a rookie would be foolish enough to be in the lane at the same time as that immense object. Thabeet was inevitably accelerated towards Randolph's head resulting in jaw fracture. The UConn standout should consider himself lucky as former diminutive NBA player Earl Boykins once attempted to drive the lane on Randolph and actually burned to ashes as he approached to atmosphere around Randolph's head. Randolph certainly doesn't possess the largest cranium in the league, in the pantheon of massive noggins he is no match for Yao Ming or Antoine Walker. But he is a veritable Uranus to their Jupiter and Saturn, gotta watch out for that Thabeet.

"Both teams played hard...goodnight and godbless."

Now Here's a Good Idea

So apparently the Beijing Olympics organizers distributed condoms to all the athletes of the olympic village this past summer, which really insn't that crazy. I mean a whole bunch of stressed out young athletic people crammed in one spot? The writing is on the wall (gross!). But what is interesting is the phenomenal overestimation by the organizers of the Olympics as they distributed 100,000 jimmy hats to the athletes, and the fact that the condoms are individually marked with the olympic slogan: "faster, higher, stronger." HA! In any case there were a bunch left over and they are now up for auction in units of 5,000 condoms with a starting bid of 730 dollars. Don't be scared...be prepared.

"Both teams played hard...goodnight and godbless." (lolz)

Self-Centaured Much?

World renowned extremely awesome and beloved dude (and occasional baseball player) Alex Rodriguez just found another way for you to hate him. An ex lady friend of Sir A-Rod reports in US Weekly that:

"He had not one, but two painted portraits of himself as a centaur. You know, the half man, half horse figure?...It was ridiculous."

Apparently he has these in his bedroom. How weird and ridiculous is that? I guess the question still remains as to which version of the centaur he is going with, cause it is still possible he just put a horses head on his own body...which would be kind of awesome.


"Both teams played hard...goodnight and godbless."

And the least surprising stoner award goes to...

http://sports.espn.go.com/mlb/news/story?id=4627319

Even the police agree this story is pretty ho-hum, while also helpfully providing a visual context for the average citizen to understand what happened:

"It's not really out of the ordinary. It happens every day," Schatzel said of the volume of marijuana Lincecum handed over. "It was about the size of a thumb, the whole thumb."

Washington state baby!

Stay Classy Orlando

Former California gubernatorial candidate and adult film actress (the kind with the what what in the butt) Mary Carey revealed during a radio interview in Sacto what must be the weirdest love triangle evaarrrr. Ms. Carey relates how she had been in frequent contact with Dwight Howard who had been sending her numerous bible passages and such to convince her to leave adult films. Eventually she found herself in Orlando but decided to go on a date with Chris Kirkpatrick from N'SYNC....WHAT!?!?!?! In any case Dwight apparently kept calling and then showed up at Kirkpatrick's house, in Ms. Carey's words:

"I’m like oh my god, what do I do? I was like, I got Dwight here and I got Chris in the other room and I’m talking to them back and forth. So finally I had to just pull Dwight in the bathroom and tell him he needs to go home. I was like I’m really sorry, I really like you, but this isn’t the time or place. When I pull him in the bathroom, he pulls his pants down, I was like, whooa. Yeah, and so I ran and started screaming …"

Oh hey! Well done Dwight Howard, I mean you can't disagree with his methods...usually in any confusing or stressful situation I just pull down my pants and things work out. But I guess it didn't quite work out for Dwight, since he got screams and rejection. I bet Peja Stojakovic feels pretty good about himself right now since after brandishing his wang to a pornstar he got a "great cock" acknowledgment on twitter. The underlying weirdness of this whole thing is the dude from N'Sync, what the hell is that guy doing messing things up for the defensive player of the year? Now I'm no hot chick or anything but I'm just saying that if I had to choose between these dudes its sort of a no-brainer, just saying. Anywhoo the NBA's leading blocker just got c-blocked by mop-top and out wanged by long-ball Peja, superman my ass. Is this story real? I dunno, she says she has evidence. NBA players and porn stars...lol.

"Both teams played hard...goodnight and godbless."

Ewwwwwww

Since every champion has gotten a congratulatory post I suppose I can congratulate the Yankees on winning their 27th world series (hey man, I even congratulated the Pens after they beat the Wings.) I'll admit that I'm guilty of a little Yankee schadenfreude, just like the next guy, but really they were simply hella good and should get some respect. But also I hate those guys. The Phillies meanwhile were unable to break their 366 day world championship drought. Can anyone say curse?

"Both teams played hard...goodnight and godbless."

Goodnight Sweet Prince

I remember that day fondly...I was a young first-year medical student and my friends and I were lucky enough to go see the Mavericks play the Cavs and then to have some court time on the floor of the Q! (I'm not that guy who just wears head bands to games, but I am unfortunately that guy who wears head bands when he plays ball). I thought it couldn't get better, until (as you can see) we met frickin Bill Walton! How tight is that? Walton was my favorite NBA analyst no doubt, and though I'd admit that I hated him entirely for many years his insanity eventually grew on me. I loved how he would say entire sentences without a verb: "Yao Ming...the poise...the grace...," and his ridiculous overstatements: "Boris Diaw is hands down the most versatile player in the last two generations of the NBA, bar none." And nothing was funnier than when he anounced Lakers games and would say nothing whenver Luke Walton did something good but would jump on him for any mistake: "Terrible pass by Luke Walton." Well I guess those days are over as Mr. Walton is retiring from the analyst fast life:

“As I return after a grueling multi-year, life-threatening, life-changing ordeal with back problems, it is time to dedicate the rest of my life to service. It is great to be back in the game. Thanks everybody -- for everything.”

How classic of a Walton overstatement is that? Life-threatening and life-changing! I guess that explains why he hasn't been around much these last few years, and I suppose in some weird way its fitting that his analyst career would end the same way that his playing career did...I guess. Still no word out there on what this mysterious "service" is that he will be undertaking.

"Both teams played hard...goodnight and godbless."

Batmanu Part 3: The Dark Night

Ohhhhh...you thought this was over? 3 posts about 1 topic too much? Well in case Manu Ginobili striking a bat that was trying to go left on him out of the air in the middle of a basketball game wasn't enough for you....peep this: PETA is now accusing Ginobili of being an animal abuser and are likening him to Mike Vick:

"Here's our take on it: To bludgeon a 4-ounce animal to death, it takes either a small man or a totally unthinking one—with no respect or consideration for lives humbler than his own. This is a time when athletes in particular need to be on their best behavior around any animal and show that they have brains and a heart, not just reactionary brawn. Bats always try to avoid contact with humans, and there are plenty of easy ways to keep bats out of a basketball arena (or your home). We hope that the next time someone's life is on the line, Manu Ginobili will take just a few seconds to think before he acts."

Man they are taking this pretty seriously...and are likening the bat's life to a human's. I'm not saying that obviously wrong or anything, but it did get me thinking...what if human lives were in jeopardy during NBA games? What if when you tried to go left on Manu he actually had a machete in his left hand and he cut open your bowels instead of just stealing the ball? Wouldn't that be hilarious? LOL

"Both teams played hard...goodnight and godbless."

Oscar Watch: Lamar Odom for Best Actor

If you've watched any ESPN lately, then chances are that you've seen this commercial for ESPN hoops. An let's face it...this is hilaaaarious. Normally such things would be relegated to the side bar on the nerd, but something about the way Lamar says "that's crazy" when Magic reveals the hidden guacamole just cuts right to the essence of what it is to have child-like bewilderment. God bless Lamar Odom and his thespian skillz, he really is an all skills in one man. On a down note I don't really see this being a boon for James Worthy's acting career his delivery on "nacho cheese" was a little too forceful and it reminded the viewer that they were only watching a commercial and not actually on an RV with Lamar Odom, Magic Johnson, James Worthy, and an NBA championship trophy. Atleast he'll get his SAG card.

"Both teams played hard...goodnight and godbless."

Batmanu Part 2

Batmanu reports via his facebook page via ESPN, he needed get a rabies vaccine after his encounter with the flying rat. I don't know why, but this whole ordeal is riveting.

Nothing to see here folks, lets keep it moving.

Sore left knee

As someone with a chronically sore left knee, I'm grateful I don't depend on it to make a living. Unlike anyone who plays in the NBA. Along these lines, this is not a good sign for Michael Redd or the Bucks. At least he has a player option for another 18 million next year. If this turns out to be true of the rest of his season, sucks to be whoever drafted him for their fantasy team and overpaid.

Batman

Whoever drafted Manu Ginobili in the Basketball Nerd should lobby for bat-swatting to the scoring. I always knew the Argentinean had something up his sleeve - moonlighting as a vampire slayer. I wonder what PETA has to say about this?