The Big Maestro?

Oh Shaquille, what a lovable goofball. What can you say? This is just funny. Basically everything Shaq does is funny, not because he has comedic chops necessarily but the idea of an incredibly huge dude doing regular stuff is funny. I mean that was the premise of Shaq Vs, that was the idea behind Shaq pretending to be a statue, and that's the idea behind this. Still funny though. BIG conductor...get it?

"Both teams played hard...goodnight and godbless."

This about sums it up...

We've done lot's of Heat bashing here at the nerd, so much so that I'm bored of it. But sometimes someone else captures the raw emotion of basketball hatred so well that it just needs to be recognized.

"Both teams played hard goodnight and godbless."

"OH CRAP" Says Rest of MLB

Oh hey! Good thing this is happening: Self-proclaimed mercenary and part-time world series ace Cliff Lee is going back to the Phillies. THE PHILLIES. The monstrous Frankenstein lineup will now probably rotate something like 1) Halladay, 2) Lee, 3) Oswalt, 4) Hamels. Say whaaaaaaaaaaaaat?!?!?! That doesn't seem remotely fair. I would say take that Yankees, except Phillies are now the new Red Sox and the Sox used to be the new Yankees. You know what I mean. Oh hey, how 'bout a salary cap?

"Both teams played hard...goodnight and godbless."

The Lions are Rude

A team like the Lions has no business trying to beat a team like the Packers...it's just uncivilized. But not only did the punk upstart Lions have the audacity to stick a loss to the Pack during a crucial week full of playoff implications, they did it through the time-honored give your opponent's best player a concussion strategy. How rude.

"Both teams played hard...goodnight and godbless."

The Jets are Terrible

I am one of those guys that can't decide if the Jets are tight or insufferable. I guess I did really really enjoy them getting pummeled by the Patriots, so I must be leaning towards hating them. Certainly the Jets' assistant coach sticking his knee out to take out a special teams player isn't helping either...unless of course the bartender at Buffalo Wild Wings told him to do it. The bartender rules all.

"Both teams played hard...goodnight and godbless."

Don't you love Brett Favre?

Hey don't you love Brett Favre? Weren't you on pins and needles all week waiting to see if he was going to play through this newest injury? Weren't you saying things like "unbelievable streak," "old gunslinger," "cal ripken of football?" Well in a somewhat unbelievable twist of fair Brett Favre is not starting tonight, even after the extra day of rest he got after Goodell intentionally destroyed the Metrodome jsut to give him a shot. Well in case that was the final straw and you were just now thinking of hating Brett Favre instead...you can relax. Within minutes of announcing that he isn't starting Brett Favre.com has been selling autographed footballs with a 297 games inscription. Available here:

http://www.officialbrettfavre.com/fan_store/product_e7a41674c1fe/

for 500 $. What an awesome guy.

"Both teams played hard...goodnight and godbless."

Miami Threat Still With Chance for All-time Record

Much has been made of the super-best friends' slow start. No low post presence, no depth, etc. But with all the shenanigans and disappointment, the Heat still have a shot at the all time record: 9-73. It will take some doing, focus, and a lot of Spoelstra but the three coolest guys that we know have shot at pulling this off. You can bet that the 72-73 Sixers will nervously keep the champaign on hold.

"Both teams played hard...goodnight and godbless."

Welcome to Believeland

One thing about Cleveland fans is that through terrible teams, terrible weather, and a terrible economy the fans are always passionate. And the Browns are the pinnacle of sports fanaticism in the Cleve. In fact the intensity is so high that being any other kind of fan is actually dangerous. Take it from the family of local Jets fans who took their 8 year old son to the Browns Jets game last weekend. The family of course, was dressed in Jets gear. Now a certain about of smack talk and wouldn't be out of question in a live football game, but on the way back to their car the Brennans had food and obscenities thrown at them and a sloshed Browns fan tackled the little kid! Snap! Stay Classy Cleve.

Like a Bosh

TBJ exclusive: Like A Bosh from The Basketball Jones on Vimeo.

“Like a Bosh” [idiom, ~2010]: When someone or something desires the limelight only to wilt under the newfound pressure.

Original video here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NisCkxU544c

Salt in the wound, Lebron

Lamar Odom vs The People

Lamar Odom! Yes, its true I'm a sucker for a good LO story. But it turns out this genius has filed his $12,000 in NBA fines from 2007 as a tax deduction! Booyah! Someone needs to pass this idea on to James Harrison. Anywhoo, obviously the IRS has denied him so LO is suing the IRS for the fines and is also throwing in the ammount that he spent getting in shape for that season: $178,000. That's right nerds it takes 200k to sculpt a body that can attract a sasquatch. Start saving.

"Both teams played hard...goodnight and godbless."

Yo Dawg, I heard you like Lies, so we put a Lie in your Lie so you can Lie while you Lie

Remember how Gilbert Arenas missed a preseason game because of an injury? And then it turned out he was faking the injury instead and was just giving up playing time to his frustrated teammate? Remember how he was fined 50K for that? And how you though, man this guy is an idiot...all he had to do was shut up and play? Well now apparently Gilbert was lying about ALL that, and instead he was so worried about playing in front of the Wizards fans after the whole gun incident that he lied about a lie about a fake injury to get out of it. What a winner! I don't know if there is a fine strong enough for that.

"Both teams played hard...goodnight and godbless."

Ron Artest, mathematics major at St.John's, keepin it 100%

Who knew this? When it was mentioned in the AP recap from last night's game, I thought it was a joke. But it is actually true (according to his NBA.com page). Makes his “I only count to two, I’ve been out of school 15 years, so I only count to two” quote even more hilarious.

Skip Bayless & The Incident with the Dougie

Apparently after a heated debate about the appropriateness of John Wall's 30 second rendition of the Dougie during an in-game intro, the incredibly annoying Skip Bayless decided to demonstrate to us all just how easy the Dougie is. Not bad? I guess that officially ends the Dougie craze for me.

"Both teams played hard...goodnight and godbless."

The Turkish are Answered

The Answer (or "Cevap" in turkish) has arrived in Turkey...amidst much fanfare I would say. They clearly have been prepping for this since he decided to take his talents to Ölüdeniz. Now AI might not be a household name like Torkoglu or Okur just yet, but as soon as he learns the turkish word for "practice" Ilyasova can move over.

"Both teams played hard...goodnight and godbless."

Welcome Back Sporting Nerds! And Mo Williams!

Ladies and gentlemen, Mo Williams, former-all-star-based-purely-on-talent-and-not-being-a-whiner, has helped place Cleveland in a truly awesome position: above the Miami Heat in the Eastern Conference standings.

1. Atlanta 6-1

2. Boston 6-1

3. Orlando 4-1

4. Cleveland 3-3

5. Miami 5-2

6. New York 3-3

7. Indiana 2-3

8. Chicago 2-3

From J.A. Adande, "This morning's standings supply the best if the playoffs started today setup of all time: No. 4 Cleveland would open against No. 5 Miami in Round 1". Maybe Lebron shouldn't have left the Cle? Actually, I'm pretty sure I would've left too. I just like to think I would have done so a bit more gracefully.

Bosh probably made the right call too. How's his former team faring in his absence? From Marc Stein, "Here's a capsule glimpse of early post-Bosh life north of the border: Jarrett Jack has been the last Raptor unveiled to Air Canada Centre-goers during pregame introductions in Toronto's first two home games."

I don't have a cool signature to sign off with like Ganesh, so I'll instead echo Rodney Stuckey in my first post for the revamped The Sporting Nerd:

"On paper, we are the best team in the league."

- Rodney Stuckey [re: your Detroit Pistons], September 2010

Did you know that KG is super annoying?

In case you didn't remember the 2008 playoffs when KG's season was derailed by knee problems...you might remember his perpetual sideline scowl. In fact many pundits claim that whatever Garnett was lacking in his knee, he overcompensated with his lower jaw (macrognathia, i.e. the opposite of Chris Bosh). In any case it was super annoying to see him yell unnecessarily intense smack talk about each play, since he was you know... on the sideline in a suit. And it should come as no surprise really that the same dude called Charlie Villanueva a cancer patient. Oh wait, in his defense he just called Mr. Villanueva a "cancer on his team and the league." That's reasonable. Charlie V, though, has got to take that in stride....its simply more smack from a notorious basher. You can't go challenging people to boxing matches all willy-nilly, you think a guy with an autoimmune disease that destroys all his hair would be more reasonable. OH SNAP! CANCER PATIENT!!! I JUST GOT IT!

"Both teams played hard...goodnight and godbless."

Obviously This Would Happen

The long and painful cloud of sorrow that each Lions fans knows too well, just mustered up enough enthusiasm to take another dump on the D. With Jason Hanson out due to an in-game injury, backup kicker Ndamukong Suh (yes THAT Ndamukong Suh) had to kick the extra point. He of course shanked it leaving the door open for the Jets to tie it up and win in OT. What should have been a signature win for a rebounding franchise turned instantly to failure. I guess that's what the Lions get for drafting a kicker in the first round.

"Both teams played hard...goodnight and godbless."

Shit!!!

Goddamnit! Smarmyass Sidney Crosby ruined my weekend. Such a great game, it deserved to end on a better play...I guess we'll just have to go back to being good at real sports.

"Both teams played hard...goodnight and godbless."

AMMMMMERRRRRICUHHHHHH

Short version: America is awesome and Canada sucks balls.

Extended version: How sweet was it to watch an entire country sweat it out as the American hockey team nonchalantly slipped by the ridiculously ridiculously stacked Canadian hockey team with a combination of natural resources, industrial backbone, and moxie. The best part was knowing that ALL of Canada was watching that game and only I was watching it in America. Despite the embarrassment of losing to us loud mouthed ass holes, the Canadian team still managed to qualify for the semi finals and are currently sticking it to the Russians. Meaning that there could potentially be a rematch in a medal round. If so we better prepared for some angry Canadians (a phenomenon previously seen only after the trading of Gretzky and the canceling of the Tom Green show). If we're going to pull off the quasi miracle on ice, we're going to need some of Herb Brooks' magic, except instead of Herb Brooks lets do the same exact speech but with a 4 year old doing it instead...man that kid is going to hate his parents in a few years.

"Both teams played hard...goodnight and godbless."

Return of the Mack

The Grizzlie's season has definitely been a surprise (the curse of Zach Randolph somehow reversing its self)and they are somehow good enough to be a playoff team...in the eastern conference of course. In any case their best effort fell short on the day of Mamba's return from a 5 game absence: 32/7/6, 13/19 from the field and of course a go ahead 3 with seconds left to play. Anything less would be uncivilized. When asked if hitting a game winner ever gets old Bryant responded "Every time it feels like the first time."

"Both teams played hard...goodnight and godbless."

Deadline Roundup: What a nerd needs to know

Caron Butler, Brendan Haywood, DeShawn Stevenson for Josh Howard, Drew Gooden, Quinton Ross and James Singleton.

One thing you can say about Cuban is that he always goes for it, and his gusto has stretched out the Mavericks "run" a few years longer than anyone would have expected. This deal is OK, but not great. Presuming both are healthy Butler is essentially the same scorer as Howard but a crapier defender. The real value for Dallas comes from Haywood who is a HUGE upgrade over Drew Gooden and the back of the neck soul patch he stole from the bald spot on Rasheed Wallace's head. In the end this will help the Mavericks match up against teams with bigger front courts (as in the Lakers), but they will still lose in the second round of the playoffs. Net effect: nothing.

Steve Blake, Travis Outlaw for Marcus Camby.
&
Antawn Jamison to Cleveland Drew Gooden to Clippers
Zydrunas Ilgauskas, rights to Emir Preldzic and 2010 first-round pick to Washington
Al Thornton to Washington and Sebastian Telfair to Cleveland.

Wizards: The Wizards wholesale is complete (pending the voiding of Arenas' contract). It must suck to think you have the roster to contend and then suddenly be forced to get rid of everyone. The net effect is some cap relief, a late first round, Al Thornton, and Josh Howard ... you could say this is a "shot" in the Dark. BOOYAH

Cavaliers: We are well practiced in being harsh on deals that the Cavs make...you know like signing Larry Hughes, signing Damon Jones, letting Shannon Brown go, offering Varejao's 6 year 50 million dollar contract (!!!!) etc... But Ferry gets too much hate. The Cavs are still very very good (even if it is entirely due to LBJ) and it would appear that Ben Wallace and Pavlovic (remember that dude?) were well worth the boost that Shaq has given them on the inside. In any case The Cavs got their piece in Jamison. He is probably the most talented player that has been paired with Lebron, and at 33 he still has enough to give 20+ in the post, especially since he will never be double teamed. Telfair is also an OK piece, he is obviously an idiot and never lived up to his shared magazine cover with King James but he can provide minutes at point and with the injuries to Willams and West I'm sure Cleveland is happy to have someone else backing the point other than Boobie. The only downside of this deal, as compared to the potential Amare deal, is Jamison's age which basically precludes signing him to a longterm deal. If the Cavs are actually worried about losing Lebron this deal doesn't help with that...unless of course they win it all this year.

Clippers: Let's face it, the real winners here are the Clipshow. The Camby trade was a wash since he was an UFA and would have walked, but giving up Thornton who sucks, and getting another 6 millish of relief is killer. The Clipshow will now be about 17 millish under the cap next year. I mean there's no way Lebron or Wade go play in Kobe's shadow, but that is plenty of money to sign a Joe Johnson caliber player. Baron Davis, Joe Johnson, Eric Gordon, Chris Kaman, and Blake Griffin. SHOWTIME!

Darko Milicic to the Timberwolves for Brian Cardinal.

Light up the day with Darko!!! Timberwolves win the Superbowl, guaranteed.


John Salmons to the Bucks for Joe Alexander and Hakim Warrick.

The Bulls get enough cap relief to sign Dwayne Wade, who will leave now that Miami failed to improve the team at the deadline. Flash and Derick Rose ... hot.


Tyrus Thomas to Bobcats for Flip Murray, Acie Law and a future first-round pick.

Will Tyrus Thomas ever be good? No, and neither will Acie Law. Flip Murray is only good when playing for Flip Saunders...FLIPFLIP...the synergy is tangible.

Larry Hughes to Sacramento, and Jared Jeffries, Jordan Hill, 2012 first-round pick and the right to swap first-rounders in 2011 to Houston
Tracy McGrady to New York, and Carl Landry and Joey Dorsey to Sacramento
Kevin Martin and Hilton Armstrong to Houston, and Sergio Rodriguez to New York.

Rockets: This deal (deals?) is kind of hot for Houston. They got some draft picks (that will be good), some good players, and got below the luxury line all in exchange for Lowry (if you consider T-mac non-existant). If Yao comes back...

Sacto: K-mart is a very good and efficient player, but he was destined to be moved after it became apparent that Reke Havoc had a far superior nickname. I don't know what the Kings think they are going to accomplish with the cap relief though.

Knicks: HA! And you though it was Isaiah's fault. The Knicks gave up everything in exchange for enough enough cap space to sign Lebron AND Wade. GREAT SUCCESS!!!! Too bad it will never happen.

Nate Robinson to the Celtics for Eddie House

I guess its obvious that Doc Rivers has gotten tired of Sheed's poo poo shots. Solution? Bring in Nate Robinson...I mean you can't miss a dunk right?

"Both teams played hard...goodnight and godbless."

Cycling Fail

Is it even remotely possible to fail as hard as Floyd Landis? After miraculously making up time in the final leg to take the Tour title, Landis was found to be swiping some of Manny Ramirez's menstrual cramp medication. Big no no. Well as part of his defense he claimed that the fact that the lab in France that handled his blood had been hacked showed that they had mismanaged their data. He failed hard and was banned for hella. Now a warrant is out for his arrest, that basically insinuates that he was responsible for said hacking. What is wrong with this guy? The only way he's still fighting this is if he's delusional and really really believes that he didn't cheat. I'm not entirely sure that makes sense, but whatever its cycling.

"Both teams played hard...goodnight and godbless."

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWN

Dr J: ...and I said rectum? I DAMN NEAR KILLED EM!!!!
Dominique: heehee buttholes lol
Vinsanity: HAHA, I can't believe people think I'm good enough to sit at this table.
Kobe: WHAT? Hey can you guys speak up?!?!? I'm the freaking Black Mamba!
Jordan: Hey guys, hey guys...I have a better one....wait...hey guys....listen to me

Who can forget great moments from the slam dunk competition? Its an exciting display of creativity and athleticism thats unique to basketball. This year's competition was...well...yawntastic. Apart from Demar Derozan's sick off the side of the board teammate slam everything was something we'd seen before. Sure little man Nate can get up, but he basically did safe dunks to get points. He even looked a little bored out there. Every memorable moment came from a competition where a superstar was slamming the rock (and/or when Vince Carter was dunking). Even the recent competition between Dwight Howard and Nate Robinson was full of showmanship and excitement. But the lack of star power took some serious luster off of the event, in terms of both dunk difficulty/creativity as well as our general interest in finding out who wins. The NBA needs to find a way to entice the great players to participate. And the great players who do commit to participating should actually show up and dunk (AHEM Lebron James!). Maybe they should put a purse on the competition or give another 200K in salary cap to the winning player's team. Better yet they should have a selection of NBA players team dunk against And1 players. How sick would that be?

"Both teams played hard...goodnight and godbless."

Oprah Obviously Doesn't Read This Blog

What the hell Oprah? Did you just think that Drew Brees' birthmark was a lipstick smudge? The only way you could not know that he had said mark is if you had never seen him before...ever. Which means that Oprah definitely does not watch football, did not watch the superbowl, and does not read this blog. I'll leave it up to you to decide which one of these infractions is the most un-American.

"Both teams played hard...goodnight and godbless."

Don't Call it a Comeback

Oh hey! Whats up sports nerds? After my sudden and extended vacation from our beloved site I have officially come back to the blogosphere. Truth be told the absence was a ploy engineered by my publicist to fuel retirement and or trade rumors and thereby increase our readership. Well let me be the first to tell you that it worked.

Now that I'm back doing what I love I don't know where to start...there was so much that we missed: the Superbowl, some dude signing with the mets, Kovalchuk to the Devils, Agent Zero getting the axe, and Greg Oden's monstrous dong + awkward apology afterwards ("I'm sorry you all had to see my penis" LOL)...so much happened in such a short period of time. As always the newsworthy events have been a mixture of gravity and idiocy, and making sure that both are pointed out is our job. BOOYAH, sports.

"Both teams played hard...goodnight and godbless."

Saturday Morning update

1. Who dat??? Dat who. Congratulations to the Norleans Saints for winning the super bowl. All of the story lines, all of the drama, and the neverending hangover that has surely set in for the residents of NOLA, it's all so much to soak in.

2. Danica Patrick is HOT. How have we not talked about her on the SN yet?




3. EWwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww: Shannon Brown was epic fail in the SD contest last night. Come to think of it, the whole dunk contest, from start to finish, was absolutely piss poor.



Happy Saturday, you Nerds!

Taco Bell, Basketball, Then and Now

While KFC is making an attempt to "Un-Think" itself, Taco Bell continues to play to its strengths. With the exception of a ridiculous recent ad campaign featuring a woman who lost like 400 pounds replacing her "normal fast food diet" with select Bell items, Taco Bell has been fishing for and snagging the same target consumer for the last 20 years: the sports-watching single man, age 14-40. I realized this when I saw the current "Charles Barkley as a poet" campaign, and noted how reminiscent it is of the 1993 Taco Bell ad with Dick Vitale:

The Bell was looking for something new and fresh, and they re-discovered a campy format that always moves chalupas. Serendipity, Baby.

LeBron James $25K Splash Zone

For all of you who are confused as to why kicking a water bottle on Wednesday night got LeBron James fined $25,000, I'm with you. I know that the league has strict rules about players not projecting anything into the seats, but anybody who has ever been to SeaWorld knows that the splash zone is the place to be.

Can you say: DANCE CRAZE!!!!

BOOYAH! LT style electric glyde taking over.

"Both teams played hard...goodnight and godbless."

About that thing where I wasted my whole life...

The Wallstreet Journal attempted to ruin my life this week by publishing a breakdown of exactly how much actual football happens in an NFL game. Unfortunately in a 3 hour game there is only about 11 minutes of actual football being played. That is a depressingly tiny proportion! Some might say that this is a huge argument for TiVO and/or just watching replays after a game. But in reality this stat is meaningless. I have way more than 11 minutes of fun when I watch football....the game is an event and it gives you time to eat, time to make jokes, time to take a piss etc. More importantly a huge part of the excitement of each play is the posturing and anticipation, watching the defense lineup and adjust, reading audibles etc. If the game was just constant play after play I'm not sure I would be able to follow it, and it might give me a seizure. In any case any sports fan will tell you that its fully worth it to sit through three hours of on and off action to see the music city miracle , Big Ben to Santonio in the corner, the David Tyree catch, "the drive" by Elway (pictured), Dyson fall a yard short...the list goes on. I would sit through 12 hours of the coaches arm wrestling in their underwear just to see any one of those plays. What can I say? I love sports, and I love football...every single minute of it.

"Both teams played hard...goodnight and godbless,"

Must...Buy...Mattress

The alluring salesmanship of the Birdman has never been in question, but now that Mr. Anderson is slamming low prices I will take it from him and purchase several mattresses. BRRRRRRRR_k-k-k-k-kewwwww Birdman BABY!

"Both teams played hard...goodnight and godbless."

Brandon Jennings and the Phantom Farmar

The advent of twitter into the lives of athletes has been a major win for the fan. Not only do we get the see the minute to minute thoughts of complete idiots like Shaq and Gilbert Arenas, but we have a whole new avenue for athletes to get themselves in trouble. This past week Barndon Jennings found himself in a twitter based argument with Jordan Farmar after the Flakeshow took it to the Bucks...

JFarmar1: What you gonna say Buck? Heard there is some ish talking on here ..."
YUNGBUCK3d: "nah i was just telling the homie how thirsty you are. That's all. But I'm not going to make this a big thing."
JFarmar1: "Am not here to start nothing. You were talking smack on here wanted to clear some air. Look at the bling, done proved myself"
JFarmar1: "You started with the smack talking, and I ended it with the 2 threes. We even? Cool."
YUNGBUCK3d: "but I'm not going to beef with you. See you should be worried about your spot. Shannon Brown(notes)??? That's all imma say."

Strong work Jennings, Shannon Brown...deep burn. Too bad you were talking smack to a fake Jordan Farmar (Pharmar if you will). Pharmar did, however, open the door to pretending to be people on Twitter solely to irritate other people. So get to work nerds, its time someone took on the voice of Eduardo Najera (Phajera in this case) and got under some people's skins.

"Both teams played hard...goodnight and godbless."

The Cavaliers: Fake it to Make it

It's pretty obvious that NBA teams in one way or another shut it down when they have no chance of making the playoffs. It makes sense from the player's perspective as they are probably dejected and disenchanted and it makes sense for the high-ups as they probably want to optimize their chances at winning the lottery. A simple example is when the Heat told Wade to stop trying to rehab his shoulder and shut it down for the season, Miami went on to win the number 2 pick (Beasley). But having said that its pretty rare that a team engineers them self (from the beginning of the season) to win the lottery. And though many people suspected the Cavs of doing this (and admitedly no one really cared) its pretty crazy for someone on that team to admit it! Check out what former Cavalier's coach John Lucas was saying:

"They trade all our guys away and we go real young, and the goal was to get LeBron and also to sell the team...I didn't have a chance. ... You can't fault the Cavaliers for wanting to get LeBron. It was hard to get free agents to come there.''

Well I guess it worked, Lebron came to the Cleve and the team got sold. I suppose its hard to argue with those results, and it makes it obvious that the lottery system is ineffective at preventing this. Who knows if stern will be roused to action or not. It does sort of suck for Lucas who then got fired for doing exactly what he was supposed to: loose hella and get Lebron. BREAK TO BUILD!!!

"Both teams played hard...goodnight and godbless."

The Clipper's Curse?

I'm no fancy big city Clipper's fan mindya, but I gotta say that this news about Blake Griffin majorly sucks. I was pretty stoked to see the b-diddy, gordon, thornton, kaman, griffin lineup tear some fools up. But Griffin, who was originally only out for a few months, is shutting it down for the year. I was recently in a debate where we were trying to come up with the quintessential example of a "bummer." I of course won with the example of really really having to drop a deuce but sitting on the toilet and finding yourself to be constipated. Well I rescind my title, and acknowledge that Blake Griffin, my friends, is the true definition of a bummer. It especially sucks for a kid that has been asked about playing for a "cursed" franchise since the moment he was drafted and always took it in stride saying that the past doesn't matter....and I think he meant it. As far as the Clipper's cursed first round picks go, let's just hope that Griffin is more of the Eric Gordon, Antonio McDyess, Lamar Odom caliber and less of the Shaun Livingston, Michael Olowakandi, Chris Wilcox, Darius Miles, Yaroslav Korolev (?) etc mold.





"Both teams played hard...goodnight and godbless."

Chargers to Win the Superbowl...of My Heart

LT getting is getting his groove on for real right here. I'm not gonna lie I sort of love this video: its got coordinated moves, fancy outfits, and dope lyrics to boot. Pay special attention to the lines "Say hi to the wife" and "Say Hi to your uncle." You of course can't beat the ending rhyme scheme trifecta: Take a knEEEEE, then VictoreeeEEEE, LT eeeeEEEE! Hell yes, take that Talib. I still love old man Ladanian, fading skills and all. With all the hullabaloo about LT being done and the Chargers dumping him in the offseason, he still ran for 884 all purpose yards and 12 TDs (5th best amongst backs) in basically 12 games or so. It's clean, it's crisp, its a Vizio....GET SOME!

"Both teams played hard...goodnight and godbless."

Oh hey

Hey guys, apparently the Big Mac was on roids.
"It's very emotional, it's telling family members, friends and coaches, you know, it's former teammates to try to get ahold of, you know, that I'm coming clean and being honest...It's time for me to talk about the past and to confirm what people have suspected."
Thanks for the admission Mac, in other news Tom Brady is good looking, water is wet, and the president is black. I have to say, however, that I give him credit for pseudo addressing his ridiculous "I'm not here to talk about the past, I'm here to talk about the future," stance he took when he testified in the senate. That was one of the most awkward and angsty CSPAN moments I have ever seen, and that's saying something.







"Both teams played hard...goodnight and godbless."

Rookie Respect

After the dust settled on all the Brandon Jennings hoopla it became clear that Tyreke Evans is the real deal rookie of the year. He's got confidence, he's got swagger, and he's got a killer nickname: Reke Havoc. In fact he's so confident that he pulled off this airball convincingly enough that JR Smith tried to inbound it afterwards. How terribly embarrassing.

"Both teams played hard...goodnight and godbless."

Gilbert's Shooting Woes

Despite the fact that Gilbert Arenas has an uncanny ability to draw pictures of Baron Davis in thin air (pictured) his penchant for flashing pieces in the locker room has inevitably drawn the ire of David Stern.

"I am suspending Mr. Arenas indefinitely, without pay, effective immediately pending the completion of the investigation by the NBA."

Ouch! Unless that investigation turns out well for Arenas he will have some serious splaining to do. If I were him i would prophylactically start talking to Dungy immediately.

"Both teams played hard...goodnight and godbless."

Viva Fidel!

I'm not gonna lie, I've been waiting a long time to write a post connecting Wilt Chamberlain to Fidel Castro. Though the big dipper is famous for scoring 100 points in a single game (a game that he touched the ball every possession and that his team lost) he is more known for another number: the 20,000 women he claimed to have slept with in his autobiography. When I was 14 i definitely though that was awesome, and though its still impressive (if not mathematically suspect) its somewhat gross. Well in any case the all-time leader in minutes per game, 60 point games, 50 point games, 40 point games, consecutive field goals made, and chicks banged can step aside as Fidel Castro (ewwww that guy?) has been privy to the spoils of 35,000 young ladies. Apparently a Cuban official claims that Fidel had at least two women a day for 40 years with the regular regimen of one for lunch and one for dinner. Oh hey, strong work Fidel Castro...just thinking about it makes my nuts hurt.

"Both teams played hard...goodnight and godbless."

Man Crush: The Big Unit...Nothing funny about that

22 years, a 303-166 record and 4,875 strikeouts in 4,135 1/3 innings. 2 no nos, a perfect game, 10 time all star, 5 cy youngs, world series champ, co-MVP of the world series, and one bird exploded. 'Nuff said.

"It's all been a bit of a whirlwind. I never really got caught up in what I did," Johnson said. "I never really dwelled on my achievements. They're nice. Maybe now I'll be able to reflect on them."

"Both teams played hard...goodnight and godbless."

OWNED

I must have totally missed this awesomeness during the holidays. I love the green suit maneuver it is pretty much the most annoying thing you could do to someone in the penalty box and makes for general hilarity in public situations. Being Canadian must be awesome.

Riding The Bel-Train

The migration of big name ballplayers to the big name teams has become so commonplace that we don't even bat an eye...Roy Halladay to the Phillies, Granderson to the Yanks, Jason Bay to blah blah blah. Its hard to bring yourself to pay attention to it all. But this morning I saw a news blurb about Adrian Beltre. I had totally forgotten about that dude! Mr. Beltre is entering the ranks of Red Sox nation on a one-year, $9 million contract with a $5 million player option for 2011. A seemingly small contract for a 30 year old coming of a 62 million dollar deal who is considered one of the better defensive 3Bs in the game. Unless of course you recall how Beltre earned that contract. Mr. Beltre entered the show with the Dodgers where he was your standard good defensive 3B until he had a contract year explosion to a .334 avg with 48 HRs and 121 RBIs in 2004. The Mariners were quick to "win" the sweepstakes there, only to be disappointed by the pooh-balls 5 years they got from Beltre's bat. This is the story of a guy that was quite obviously on steroids just to get made on one contract, and is one of the best examples of how the steroid era really screwed baseball. I can't believe I almost forgot about that guy.


"Both teams played hard...goodnight and godbless."

The Holiday Spirit In Washington

So, you may have heard about the investigation into reports that Gilbert Arenas stashed firearms in his locker. In the course of this investigation, it has come to light that on Christmas Eve, in the Wizards locker room, Agent Zero and Javaris Crittenton pulled guns on each other over an unsettled gambling debt.

"Citing an anonymous source, the Post reported in Friday's edition, however, that the standoff was sparked when Crittenton became angry at Arenas for refusing to make good on a gambling debt.

That prompted Arenas to draw on Crittenton, who then also grabbed for a gun, league security sources told the Post."

Oh hey. At least we can leave that 2009 nonsense behind us, right?

Happy New Year sporting nerds! May 2010 bring peaceful resolutions to our unsettled gambling debts and more posts from people not named Ganesh.